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10Charmr
10Serenem
9williamhill

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An old friend visited my dream last night
Rumbling, grumbling, flashing light
Disturbing my restful slumber sound
Causing sudden awareness abound

Wakeful reality sinking in
A candles light is flickering dim
While reveling in the warmth I feel
The smell of incense's furtive steal

Again my eyes will forfeit to sleep
Return to dreamland a final sweep
In hopes I find you waiting for me
To feel your breath in subtle decree

But alas again that flashing light
Now I'm awake and feeling contrite
Thoughts of dreams encountered there
Have all but vanished into thin air

My mind recalls you close my dear
I feel that you still linger here
Then rumbling, grumbling, louder still
Before it's gone I must find the quill

------
Daniel Lloyd Kennedy


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Comments

The following comments are for "The Night Visitor"
by daprdan

aaaahhhh, so goood
Ivor, I really, really like this poem. It's so wistful, dreamy and heartfelt. You are so good at this sort of poetry, sir...

You know me, I've got to pick out the typos-- and I know you want the specifics.

candles/candle's

incenses/ this might need to be checked, but I believe that like the word 'deer', this word's plural is the same as the singular. However, if you meant the word to be possessive, you need that apostrophe.


'I feel as though your lingering here'/ your should be you're.



I *LOVE* the closing stanza, Ivor.

'My mind recalls you so close my dear
I feel as though your lingering here
Then rumbling, grumbling, louder still
Before it's gone I must find the quill'

Pure beauty.


Regards,

Melinda

( Posted by: Serenem [Member] On: July 20, 2004 )

Oh, gosh, I'm SO sorry!!!
Dan, Dan, Dan!!
Please forgive my stupidity!

No sooner than I hit the submit button than I realised my error!

I may be a fool, but this is still gorgeous poetry.

~blushing~

Melinda

( Posted by: Serenem [Member] On: July 20, 2004 )

lingering here
Dan, this is simply beautiful...I loved the 3rd stanza the best I think...although it is lovely from the first to the very last word...I enjoyed it tremendously...
ahhh it is good to be back :)
Reba

( Posted by: Reba [Member] On: July 20, 2004 )

visitor
it reads smooth and sounds good. unforced. love the last line.
regards,will.

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: July 20, 2004 )

night
don't mind melinda, she's having ivor withdrawals. lol

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: July 20, 2004 )

Thank You...
Anyway, Melinda...

And I thank you for the wonderful critique, for I too appreciate your picking out the typo's and specifics...

And I'm sure neither Ivor nor I would be offended as we seem to be much alike... (though he is probably more of a gentleman than I )...

Thank You Reba I always appreciate your opinion...

And Charlie I think you're right about her withdrawls...

( Posted by: daprdan [Member] On: July 20, 2004 )

Actually, you're quite distinctive,
Dan, and a darn fine poet.

I'm just a silly git who lost her way. It doesn't change the fact that I loved this poem and its final stanza. I so wish we had an edit button so my faux pas wasn't found out. So embarassed...

~smile~

Oh, Willhill, you cause me further blushings.

Heee heee.

Does it help at all if I say I love you guys? No?
Ahhh, well...

I do, anyway. I'd say I'm shameless, but I'm not.


Melinda

( Posted by: Serenem [Member] On: July 20, 2004 )

Dan the Man
Dan, Always a pleasure reading your poetry. I enjoy every last one. This one is certainly dreamy, I like the thought of being awaken from a dream, well you know what I mean.

Great job,
Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: July 20, 2004 )

Dan or Ivor?
Dan,

What have I said, they are even relating our poetry now.... I'm honoured.

Melinda,

Ask Dan, this is getting stranger and stranger....

Dan, brilliant pice of poetry,

Keep up my good work!

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: July 20, 2004 )

Ivor...
As am I...

Melinda, I too wish there were a way of editing the comments once they were submitted, alas, we must live with our misteaks, I mean misstakes, or is it mistaecks, well whatever...(hehehe)

Tina, Thank you and pleasant dreams,Namaste...

Nae, I too enjoy that part of the dream, and that is usually the only way I remember them, when I have been wakened, Thank you...

( Posted by: daprdan [Member] On: July 20, 2004 )

Thank You...
Lucie... this rendering is from the notes I took upon wakening one night from a storm passing through (our monsoon season just started) a couple of nights before. Though I shortened what I had written down somewhat, I tried to keep the important things of the event... I'm glad I was able to portray my experience so well for everyone...

Again Thank You for your comment (they are all, so very much appreciated)...

( Posted by: daprdan [Member] On: July 21, 2004 )

"The Night Visitor"
Another winner Dan, gave it a 10!!!

( Posted by: Charmr [Member] On: July 22, 2004 )

Thanks...
Charmr... Hope your compressed time is working itself out...

( Posted by: daprdan [Member] On: July 22, 2004 )

Where are you Dan?
Dan,

Reading through some old poetry and just wondered if you were still writing?

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: October 22, 2012 )





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