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As you leave my side
I am out of time
Wondering what I will do
As my time is gone
I am on my own
Wishing for moments of you


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Comments

The following comments are for "Moments of You. A stanza exercise"
by Lennart

Good poem
I think, and thank you for answering my challenge for writing a stanzapoem. Hope that your longings are not just a literally exercise though:) Nice to experiment with readings here, As I Am Wondering, I Am Wishing.
Thematically, I would say you could "take of" a bit more. (That's me)

( Posted by: DrKilldare [Member] On: July 14, 2004 )

This feels familiar
I wonder if you used the poem "Was This Now" as a muse for writing this piece? Feels like this is just the same with your own words. I guess I should be flattered :) But then again, I might be wrong and we are just experiencing similar emotions, you tell me.

( Posted by: paxelius [Member] On: July 16, 2004 )

Shared emotions
I did not intentionally use your poem, Pax. Or plagiarise. But I have read it, and reading it again I see the resemblence in thought, if not in style. But I suppose it may have lingered in the back of my head as I wrote my piece. So I guess you could be flattered. Although Time and Loss is a general human experience, it is interesting that our texts are quite similar.

( Posted by: Lennart [Member] On: July 17, 2004 )

Shared emotions?
Well, pax and lennart, I see that you have "found each other" in this poem. I don't think that the two poems resemble each other, and you should widen your horizon to other participants on this forum.

( Posted by: DrKilldare [Member] On: July 20, 2004 )

A familar history..
Today, I think this poem is more like pop lyrics, like soap for your ears and body.

( Posted by: DrKilldare [Member] On: September 14, 2012 )





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