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9.85

(7 votes)


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10Char
10Dareva
10Eckarblan
10ivordavies
10nauticus66
10simone183
9Spudley

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no need to choose a campus
you won't be going away
no rush hour traffic
no deadlines to meet
no golden retirement day

your walk through the chapel, though memorable
was not on your father's arm
but in the trembling hands of your classmates
who had never known such harm

where would you live?
would you have any kids?
would we be close to each other or fight?
would all of our lives be different
if you'd only stayed home that night?

parents out-living their children
i try not to think of that pain
snapshots, secrets and memories
in the empty bedroom remain

getting the chance to see the world
growing old with a person who loves you
these aren't guarantees even for the living
but they're our wishes for those taken too soon


these words are merely self-pity
the thoughts of those left to grieve
now, she's forever pretty
and in her mother's arms she's warmly received


------
Amy Corless


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Comments

The following comments are for "Sweet Sixteen (for my sister)"
by arc

quiet beauty
arc~

Claire's dead on in her critique here. This poem is quiet and beautiful without becoming overly sentimental and cloying. You've handled a no doubt painful subject with an uncommon grace. This is excellent work.

Bart

( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: July 2, 2004 )

Arc
What an absolutely amazing sad poem. You have done a wonderful job with this. Hope to read more of you.

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: July 2, 2004 )

Sweet sixteen
The wonderful and delicate care you have taken in crafting this poem is a testament to the love you had for your sister. This is poetry.

( Posted by: nauticus66 [Member] On: July 2, 2004 )

so heartfelt
I hope if I am ever in your position, I can express it as well. A heartfelt and touching poem.

Susan

( Posted by: simone183 [Member] On: July 2, 2004 )

oh my...
I had to take a deep breath after I'd read this through the first time. Its true, as Jess pointed out, there are a couple of poetic rough edges, but they basic strength of the poem blew me away.

Thank you so much for sharing it. :)

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: July 3, 2004 )

Bless You...
A loss like this is hard to express but you chose to overcome that. The beauty of this poem is the reflection of the possibilities we all wish and hope for. You expressed them at a time of suffering. That emotion was transferred to the poem overwhelmingly and eloquently. A beautiful, moving and befitting eulogy to a loved one. I feel she cherished you as much.

Thank You for sharing a difficult time.

( Posted by: daprdan [Member] On: July 14, 2004 )

So Sad
A very sad and difficult subject that you have handled with loving grace. Beautifully done arc.

( Posted by: Char [Member] On: July 17, 2004 )

Sweeter Sixteen
Amy,

My apologies for not commenting sooner, this is a very personal piece of poetry, that a lot of people can relate to, even thogh I know it was written for your sister.

'these words are merely self-pity
the thoughts of those left to grieve'

No they're not, your pain and suffering and concern for what your sister has missed by returning early, will help and support her.

So near yet so far away.

Ivor






( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: July 17, 2004 )

WOW, Amy
This is full of such emotion. It is good that you are able to pull from each of your readers similar emotions, that you can reach in and touch a part of our heart's memory....thanks so much for sharing yourself and YES I want more of you!!!

( Posted by: Dareva [Member] On: July 17, 2004 )

THE Sweet 16


2 oz Kahlua, 2 oz White Creme de Menthe, top with chocolate milk.

A glimpse into the between-the-sisters things. No sign of spice that we've seen in the volleys you threw to each other. Take it and run with it ;-)

( Posted by: Teflon [Member] On: August 26, 2004 )

Sweet Sixteen
What a lovely sentimental gift to your sis - she is very fortunate to be the recipient of such love...

( Posted by: royalline [Member] On: October 19, 2004 )





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