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today it dawned on me
that maybe this is the way
it's supposed to be.
not quite alive,
not quite alone
so long as confusion
leaves its thudding repetitous tone.
i never ever wanted to realise
that my lonliness is so very much alive
and it shows so bad
what ive never had
and im wishing i could know
the surface of the peaks
before it snowed.
and i feel so cold
like i could fold.
was i so cold before, i couldve loved?
before my tears, my frustration,
my self help friend self-hatred-
fucking insincere
its for me my dear.
still it rages in my mind,
the thought that youre the only thing
i want to find.
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EDB
