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today it dawned on me
that maybe this is the way
it's supposed to be.
not quite alive,
not quite alone
so long as confusion
leaves its thudding repetitous tone.

i never ever wanted to realise
that my lonliness is so very much alive
and it shows so bad
what ive never had
and im wishing i could know
the surface of the peaks
before it snowed.
and i feel so cold
like i could fold.

was i so cold before, i couldve loved?
before my tears, my frustration,
my self help friend self-hatred-
fucking insincere
its for me my dear.
still it rages in my mind,
the thought that youre the only thing
i want to find.

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The following comments are for "i need you"
by joeyjoejoe3

Petty suggestion.
"my lonliness is so very much alive". joe, here is an emotion to be praised as you have been a cautious writer.
May I suggest you something? please avoid abusive words if it's not necessary, it disturbs the quiet flow of reading.
Yes, your vision, in poetic term, is appreciable.

( Posted by: Myth [Member] On: July 12, 2004 )

remembered the title i had...hardly inspiring but thats what it was..very perceptive feedback, thankyou.

( Posted by: joeyjoejoe3 [Member] On: July 13, 2004 )

a lot of slammers use the F word and think it adds to their work. it doesn't. it is so clic.
you can do this better, i guarantee it.

( Posted by: williamhill [Member] On: July 13, 2004 )

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