Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
10

(1 votes)


RatingRated by
10nae411

You must login to vote

My brother,
A born drunkard,
Picks up a quid or two
From my fatherís pocket;
Everyday.

My sister,
Though married,
Comes back home late at night
Wearing a mini-skirt,
Holding her fancy bag,
And having a rich facial make-up;
Everyday.

My mother,
Cooks, cleanses the house,
Holding her youngest pale-faced baby
I her arms,
And curses upon the creation of God
Nonstop.
Even at night I smell
Her sticky and stinking apron;
Everyday.

My father,
Sitting by the railing of the lone balcony,
Stooping his head down,
Gauges ground with blank eyes.
The cigar in his lips,
Coils up thick smoke;
Everyday.

We are five members in our house,
I watch them on.
Because I remain only in myself,
All the time;
Everyday.





Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "I in Myself"
by Myth

I in Myself
This was remarkable. You told a long story in so little words. Great write!

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Member] On: July 2, 2004 )

observant
How very observant of you, myth. The sticky, smelly apron. I could smell it and feel it! We survive sometimes by keeping a part of us inside and watching as if we aren't part of it all, don't we. I liked this, regards huni.

( Posted by: Huni [Member] On: July 11, 2004 )

Details
Nice portrait with illuminating details that sound strangely familiar. I like this, especially the tone created by the repeated words. A bit awkward in the end, though.

( Posted by: Lennart [Member] On: July 21, 2004 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: