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10Charmr
10DBurke
10Serendipity

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"Friends are God's way of taking care of us" by the stone temple pilots. I don't have a lot…I feel ignored
------------------------------------------
I'm lonely now,
I've failed to cope,
To change myself
I've lost the hope.

I've lost you friend,
So close we were,
And I can't emend,
Nor amend what's occurred.

My fear of isolation,
Grows stronger still,
Losing a friend dear as you
Has buried my will.

My haughty attitude,
Veils my admission of guilt
My swarming sadness,
Hid well under a quilt.

though emotions don't show,
They do exist,
And bright they glow,
Beyond thick layers of mist.

You walk away,
And the further you get,
The more I weigh
Of grief and regret.

So I'm sorry my friend,
More lenient I'll be,
May my words express
What your eye fails to see.
------------------------------
The only way to have a friend is to be one


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Comments

The following comments are for "isolaphobia"
by seniorme

wipe your tears
well, death or something is a natural phinominon,like SHAKESPEARE-it is something that must come when it must come.So, Africans revere death so much-hahahaa.Whoever, wipe your tears.But we are here, the poets;to assist, only to say,shame to death! Albeit keep the flair of writing to array it is indispensable.cheers !

( Posted by: Princeo [Member] On: June 28, 2004 )

Again
You've outdone yourself again. If I were your teacher, I would give you an A++. I am not sure which part is my favorite, but I sure like "And bright they glow,
Beyond thick layers of mist."
You are a true poet, I'd like to see how you will be writing 10 years down the road. You are mature well beyond your years.

( Posted by: Serendipity [Member] On: June 28, 2004 )

Emendable

So, English is a second language and you're using the word 'emend'? Ok, I'm impressed. :)

This is a good honest poem -- and it shows you are a thinker. Well done.

I try to suggest ways to improve poems. Let me just point out this stanza....My emotions don't show,/They do exist,/And bright they glow,/Beyond thick layers of mist.

How about this.... Though emotions don't show,/They still exist,/And brightly they glow,/Inside think layers of mist?

Keep up the good work, SW

( Posted by: inkton [Member] On: June 28, 2004 )

isolaphobia
Moet,

Another good , deep poem and I enjoyed the read.

Your second stanza seems to be the cornerpost of this piece and you have picked good words to describe your regrets. I feel, however, that this is the only stanza that breaks with the easy flowing simple style you have adopted.

You can't emmend an action like this (I am not saying the word is wrong, just an action cannot be undone), so why use the words 'seem to' in this line.
You then say you can't fix (amend) it in the next line...This is a wonderful play with words and is powerful in itself.

I am tempted to make suggestions but will not, but would like to see you revisit this stanza. I would certainly stick with emmend and fix, this makes the poem.

Like all your followers I admire your work and my personal views are only offered so as let you see how I read it.

Keep up the excellent writes,

Thank you,

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: June 29, 2004 )

thank you all
thanks to all of you for the wonderful ratings and the...."edifying" comments. still learning from you guys. i'll kind of try to take a long holiday...not so long...not feeling inspired these days. watch out for my comeback...lol
bye now

( Posted by: seniorme [Member] On: June 29, 2004 )

Emmend,,amend
Moet,

This 2nd stanza now flows better, I must admit, I would have kept it simple and not gone for the play on words

ie. 'Or fix what's occured'... which I think was nearer your original line. I hope I haven't led you away from the beutiful simplicity of your style with my previous comment.

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: July 4, 2004 )





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