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8Penelope

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When I came to the meadows
I thought of the one who stayed there all night picking violets
seeing how lovely it was here.

I rest my head on the broken remain of a nearby mountain
thankfull for these small glimpses of beauty.


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The following comments are for "The meadow in me"
by paxelius

mea-doh!
"I thought of the one who stayed there all night picking violets seeing how lovely it was here."

This sentence is barely understandable. Consider revising.

Additionally, "thankful" was mispelled. I think you'll have a good poem once you take care of those minor gripes.

( Posted by: die_daily [Member] On: June 27, 2004 )

typos
Penelope: Yes, you're right, the broken remain is a rock. Thank you!

Die_daily: maybe it was unclear, the line you refer to should have read > "I thought of the one who stayed all night picking violets
seeing how lovely it was here."
Appreciate your comments.

( Posted by: paxelius [Member] On: June 27, 2004 )

broken remains of a nearby mountain
Perhaps a comma? - "I thought of the one who stayed all night picking violets,
seeing how lovely it was here."

Loved this line: "broken remain of a nearby mountain"

( Posted by: SkyTigress [Member] On: June 27, 2004 )

Glimpses of beauty
and lostlove tragedy. I like your words.. but the whole poem seems a bit unfinished. Why don't you put the changes into it and repost?
AND:MeLikes it velymach

( Posted by: DrKilldare [Member] On: June 28, 2004 )

Why yes ofcourse
this is unfinnished, I'm still alive ;)
Regrettably I'm suffering from fits of passing dyslexia, but as I always write using pen and not pencil, I won't change a thing ..here.

Glad you liked it velymach

( Posted by: paxelius [Member] On: July 6, 2004 )





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