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8

(5 votes)


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8chapter1
9DrKilldare
7Penelope
10Raejon
6Serenem

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1. I must go somewhere,
go somewhere like the daytime
that I so adored.

2. The daytime must go,
must find the earth's other face.
And close in, the night.

3. The nighttime must go,
and all lovers' night-visit,
and the silver moon.

4. I must go somewhere.
Go somewhere, move like the night,
shake hands with the dawn.

------
*************************************
crystal face I kiss
tongue tastes like sweet cold rain
I fall into pond




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Comments

The following comments are for "Four Haiku (I Must Go Somewhere)"
by peterpaulino

Four Haikus
A bright idea that if you couldn't put everything you want to say in just one haiku, why not make four? I like this one, my favorite is also number two, can anyone say why it outshined the other numbers?

( Posted by: rainierthisyear [Member] On: June 23, 2004 )

Really liked
the first two. Think number one is best. It has the most feeling, in some way. Agree with rainert, best with few words

( Posted by: DrKilldare [Member] On: June 23, 2004 )

it keeps moving
hey, this is really quite magical. and true. really captivating. great work.

you should check out gomarsoap's "various haiku." bet you'd like 'em.

http://www.lit.org/view/9016

( Posted by: ark [Member] On: June 24, 2004 )

interesting...
but I wouldn't term these haiku. There's too much repetition within each part. It makes for an interesting idea for a poem, though it would need tightening up quite a bit to make a cohesive whole.

Of the four parts, I, too, like the second one best-- it has the most coherent image and message, in my opinion and presents a lovely idea.



Melinda

( Posted by: Serenem [Member] On: June 24, 2004 )

Agree with just two,,
When I said 9 to this I only counted the two first verses. (Don't like handing out numbers, really)

( Posted by: DrKilldare [Member] On: June 24, 2004 )

thanks everybody!
Thanks everybody, for all the comments. However, I found out that the plural for haiku doesn't have 's'. So, the title should be: FOUR HAIKU.

( Posted by: peterpaulino [Member] On: June 25, 2004 )

Brevity etc.

I'm not a haiku writer - but, I'm not sure I agree with Pen's comments.

I think the four together do build on each other with the day turning to night and the progression that's built.

I'm all about brevity - there are certainly so many poems that could be made stronger by cutting them down and condensing them. However, I don't think this is the case here.

I like the four together.

Ok, let's see if I do have a suggestions on how to make them stronger....... um, nope. I don't.

Well done.

( Posted by: inkton [Member] On: June 28, 2004 )

Very nice
I love the way each piece forms a nice little image that is nice alone but also connects with the next..... the way the movement continues through the whole piece. Your images are wonderful.

You left a comment on one of my poems where you said you liked my writing style. Well I like yours too. I think we have a similar way of painting pictures mixed with emotions.

( Posted by: DonnaJ [Member] On: October 27, 2006 )





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