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The sun creped in through the widows of the small hut. Jennica sat in a rocking chair near the fireplace with. The warmth of the dieing fire created the tiny bit of sweet on Jennica’s brow. She had just started to nape as she began to stir.

“Wait mother. Please help me!” she screamed out. “What do I do.” she began trashing back and forth scream very lewdly “no!” she fell to the floor wakening her up. Jennica looked around at the dim room with only the one window that pointed away from the sun. Terrow’s grandfather, who planed to innovate the world with his modern ideas of ways to build a home, built the small hut that they lived in. Everyone wonted to change the small hut around, but on his deathbed Terrows grandfather mad his father promised not to ever let what he built get changed. Terrow’s family always had strong respect for the dead, so the hut had to stay the same. To even talk negatively the life’s work of a dead man was wrong in their eyes.

In the distance Jennica could heir huff bets. It was most likely Terrow coming home from the market, but he was do back so soon. He normally took all-day and returned after dark. Jennica quickly went outside through the triangular door to see what was going on. It was indeed Terrow. He jumped off his horse and start for the hut.

“What are you doing home so soon?” Jennica ask stopping Terrow.

“I got to get supplies.” Terrow walks into the hut. Jennica follows somewhat irritated.

“Supplies for what?”

“When I was in town I herd some people talking about something and I’m going to check it out.

“What did you heir about in town?”

“You wouldn’t be interested.”

“Try me.”

“A dragon.”

“A what?”

“A dragon.”

“You’re going to find a dragon.”

“Yeah, they said that it was in the woods near by.”

“What are you thinking?”

“I’ve never seen a dragon before.”

“You’ve never seen death before but you don’t seem to be in a rash for that.”

“You got to admit its pretty cool.”

“No its not. I had another vision to day. It was allot like the one I had all those years ago.”

“These visions are all in your head.”

“Yeah I know. And I’m trying to keep them there.”

“Don’t worry.”

“Everyone to come up against a dragon died.”

“It’s not like I’m going to pet it. I‘m going to wait in my hunting tree and just watch it.”

“It scares me.”

Terrow gets all his stuff and gets on his horse. Jennica ran to him.

“I beg you don’t go.

“I’m sorry Jennica but I’ve decided to do and will not listen to you this time.”

Jennica watched him ride off.

“But you never listen to me!” she yelled to him. Then said to her self. “And you probably never will.”

Terrow rode on for sometime. He got deep into the forest when the ground shock after a great thud was heard. It startled the horse and almost through Terrow from it. Great thuds don’t normally just happen. When a thud like this is herd almost always there is something causing it. And that something normally doesn’t only do it once. So Terrow thought it best if he got off the horse and walked the rest of the way.

The trees where nice and green and flower where in full bloom. The world at this time of year was very nice. There was a cooling breeze that settled across the land every few moment making a delightful transition between hot and cold. He could now see his hunting tree; it’s the tree that Terrow sits in well he hunts. He tide the hors to a near by tree and walked on. There was a clearing that was near the tree that Terrow decided to cut through. As he did so he heard another great thud and the ground suck once more. Terrow stud at the edge of the clearing think wither or not proceeding was a good idea.

He decided to go forth, but as he took his first step a hug lizard like foot took a step right in front of him. The greatest thud he had heard so far happened, the ground shock, and a gust of wind hit Terrow almost knocking him over. This or a pair of these where most like the resin for the thuds. Terrow looked up to see an enormous dragon. Must have been over a hundred feet tall Terrow thought of course he could be wrong, he was never a good judge of that stuff, but never the less the dragon was quit big. Terrow a man of 6 feet and 1 inch wasn’t even as tall as the dragon’s foot. It stud on two feet which was odd to Terrow for most of the pictures he saw of dragons they where on four feet.

“Excuse me?” the dragon said to Terrow. He looked at Terrow for a moment still frozen. “When someone says that it’s polite to move out of the way.” Terrow slowly walked out of the dragon’s way. “Thank you.”

The dragon began to walk on then stopped and turned his head. “Did you heir me talk.” Terrow shock his head. “Oh shit.” the dragon picked Terrow up. Then started to get ready to take off.

“Oh wait do you have anyone who’ll be looking for you. Loved one, friends, stuff like that?” the dragon asked

Terrow shock his head.

“Can’t let them think you’re still alive” the dragon blow some fire and set some trees on fire. “That’ll do.” the dragon took off with Terrow in hand.

It grows late. The sun was falling into the earth and the two moons of the planet began to show. Jennica had a bad felling about Terrow. Trough the years she learned to trust her feelings even now Terrow hadn’t. She took her horse and went into the forest she rode hard and fast then she reach Terrows horse as the two moons where now high in the ski. She heard crackle like an ember from a fire. She ran to the noise and found the group of tree the dragon had lit on fire. One of them was Terrows hunting tree. Tiers formed in Jennica’s eyes.

“Damp you Terrow damp you to hell.” she got on her horse and rode swiftly home where she cried a great cry. Even grater then the thud.


The following comments are for "DC chapter 1"
by QDFlag

I'll start with what I like here. The story. I love stories about dragons and adventures. The dialogue. It has a fair pace to it and sounds natural, altho I think you could cut a few lines here and there if you wanted to.

However, please, fix your grammar and spelling errors so this is easier to read. "Through" and "Threw" are not the same thing. In the beginning, I have to backtrack to even understand what you're saying. For example:

"In the distance Jennica could heir huff bets. It was most likely Terrow coming home from the market, but he was do back so soon. He normally took all-day and returned after dark. Jennica quickly went outside through the triangular door to see what was going on. It was indeed Terrow. He jumped off his horse and start for the hut."

This makes no sense. I assume it should be:
"In the distance, Jennica heard {"heir" is someone who inherits something} hoof {huff is what you do when you're breathing hard} beats. It was most likely Terrow coming home from the market, but he wasn't due {do is when you're doing something} back so soon. He normally returned after dark. Jennica ran through the triangular door to see what was going on. It was Terrow. He jumped off his horse and started for the hut." Actually, I think if you clear up some of the confused words, that would help tremendously.

"wakening" is not the same as "waking" nor is "planed" the same as planned. I don't know if these are a whole bunch of typos or what, but it's hard to judge something when you are constantly backing up and trying to understand what they are saying. Get a good grammar book if you don't have one. Lots of them have commonly confused words.

You also have a problem with setting. Is this Earth or not? I'm confused. You say, "The sun was falling into the earth and the two moons of the planet began to show." So what planet are we on? It says "falling into the *earth*." You might want to clarify that so that readers know whether you mean planet Earth or you mean earth as in the ground. You could incorporate your setting throughout. It makes me wonder if it's a crossover fantasy/sci-fi. That could be an interesting combo. Good luck with your work, and I hope I was of any help. If you get a chance, check out my novel on the "Books" page. (I'm new here, didn't realize there was a "Novel" page--ah well. I'll get it figured out.)

( Posted by: Pierangeli [Member] On: June 18, 2004 )

set it strat
This is the writer speaking. I would like to thank pieranqeli. He did help me with some grammar, and made me realize that I need to look over my work a little more carefully.

But I do think some unfair things were said such as the comment on “through” and “threw” I don’t know why he had to backtrack at the beginning. Sun light isn't often thrown through windows so using "through" for " the sun light creped through the window" is right. Now he doesn’t say what sentence made him have to backtrack but that is the only "through" in the beginning.

I do welcome all criticism but please look up your facts before telling me to fix them. And also when I say, "the sun fell to the earth and the two moons of the planet began to show" I hop you can tell that I mean soil. This statement did not confuse me and others that I know. In different fantasy’s I have read, that took place on a different planet, they still used the word "earth" in the same contexts I have. But notice one thing for all my bad grammar I did notice that I wrote "earth" not "Earth" the planet "Earth" is a noun there for capital E. The "earth" as in soil is not a noun so unless it's at the beginning of a sentence it should not be capitalized. So as I said make sure your facts are facts. I have a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes so please don't comment that
the few things I did right are wrong.

I will be re publishing this chapter as “2DC chapter 1” with all the mistakes I have found with the help of pieranqeli's comments and anything I may find. So look for it. I will get rid of this copy of it once I find out how.

thank you
Q. D. Flag

( Posted by: QDFlag [Member] On: June 19, 2004 )

*Miss* Pier, Please ;)
Hi QD,
I'm definitely not trying to insult you. Don't take it that way. I'm trying to help your work along. I know it's difficult. I'm working on a novel too. I think that you have some very good plot ideas and that this is part of where your talent lies. (I wish I had that myself; I'm constantly reworking things to fix plot, so everybody's got their problems.)

"It startled the horse and almost through Terrow from it."

( Posted by: pierangeli [Member] On: June 23, 2004 )

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