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White flowers flying
in a breeze of cold wind
and birds anxiously chirp with each other
under shapeless, grey-bluish clouds
which whisper silently
from the dawn of rain
Light breaks in a crowded sky
only a greyish shimmer touches the ground
coating spring green
in an indifferent veil
that longs to be washed away
by a vast storm


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Comments

The following comments are for "Evening performance"
by cassandra

moments of magic
From about line 4 on it was great, I thought. But the beginning is a little awkward. "In a breeze of cold wind" just doesn't sound right. Too much wind. Maybe "air" instead of "wind" or something instead of "breeze" like "current". After that it got better and better. "Light breaks in a crowded sky" was nice. Some magical moments but an awkward enrtance. Encore! Encore! smithy.

( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: June 2, 2004 )

wind
thanks for the comment. I think about the beginning and the wind. glad you liked my little observation of an stormy april evening.
cassandra

( Posted by: cassandra [Member] On: June 2, 2004 )





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