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10PETERPAULINO

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No frontier between dream and Monday:
you, closer than a stranglehold,
a bruise on my breast and
imminent pleasure,
(emanent as a neologism...)
us both attentive, mindful
and stranded at each other.
You always think the unspoken
at those moments when
I can almost reach that touchable
freedom of yours and want it, until...
new tides beckon
from my flushed belly:
orchestra of tremors here.
There, along lace curtains,
a choir of sunblinks at their flutters
on a still uncertain morning.
Your heart slows, prudently,
into laps of sleep
licking at the shores of us.










------
Of all known institutions, I attend only two: church, in my heart, and school, in yours. Both are subject to demolition. - Lucie Adams, 2007
It is only for poetry to know how many stanzas fit into one caress. - Lucie Adams, 2008


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Comments

The following comments are for "Loving, noticed"
by windchime

wow!
great work, very intelligent and sensitively put together, windchime. i like your imagination. i also particularly like "a choir of sunblinks." ah, the made-up word.

nicely done. i will definitely be reading more of you.

ark

( Posted by: ark [Member] On: May 31, 2004 )

Nice
Windchime,

Your work is both endearing and haunting. I truly enjoyed the imagery that was infused in your poem:

"No frontier between dream and Monday:
you, closer than a stranglehold,
a bruise on my breast and
imminent pleasure"

That first line is very original and intriguing. What frontier lies between the day and our dreams? Knowing that someone is so close that they would take our breath and even our life? (closer than a stranglehold...interesting metaphor.)

Thank you. I enjoyed it.

santiago

( Posted by: kryar [Member] On: May 31, 2004 )

Like it, but
it kind of falls apart at the end. This is a fine poem that deserves an ending as inspired as the rest of the poem.

( Posted by: gomarsoap [Member] On: June 1, 2004 )

Love this
"Stranded at each other", love this phrase...this is a worthy read, good writing Windchime. Its the catchy phrases that make the writing, the ones that leave so much to an imagination too. Understanding between the words.

( Posted by: Dareva [Member] On: June 1, 2004 )

Loving, noticed
Great write! Loved:
"You always think the unspoken
at those moments when
I can almost reach that touchable
freedom of yours and want it, until..."
Wonderful words!!! Left you a comment on "got it real bad" Thanks!
Nae411

( Posted by: nae411 [Moderator] On: June 1, 2004 )

Strong last line
Windchime,

Gomarsoap may not have liked your end, but I liked it immensely. "licking at the shores of us" yes indeed i remember such sleep...

( Posted by: wrdekle [Member] On: June 2, 2004 )

Loving, Noticed
Ok... This is plain fine...




GOODNESS, MY LILY! I'm just trying to be silly. *LOL* But this one is VERY VERY GOOD!

( Posted by: PETERPAULINO [Member] On: July 5, 2004 )

a choir of sunblinks
what I got from this is not even mentioned in the above comments: Sensuality. Poem reads as if it was written thissoon after lovemaking. There's a breathless quality that had me blushing.

The last line read like contentment.

Of course, I could be wrong and later find out it's about something entirely free of dirty thoughts.

( Posted by: desvelado [Member] On: July 13, 2008 )





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