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I need self management and a full forty-five minute

every fifteen minutes.
The glow of the white page,
the scratch of my angry pen,
murders inspiration.
Instilling order.
Like an Stalinist regime,
or a authoritarian dictator.

I feel the lull and
taste that bittersweet
numerical defeat,
I can't count the total

times this has happened
or even fucking add them

I take a break and
rest on the assurence that
numbers cannot haunt my dreams.

But if they could,
I'd be chased by algebric equations
and machine-like calculations
all through out the night.

"God grant me distraction."

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The following comments are for "Math (some language)"
by Darkshine Raven

Liked it, but a couple things occured to me as I read it:

Second stanza - I would change the structure to "I feel the lull/and taste the bittersweet/numerical defeat/..."

Third stanza - "I take a break/and rest on the assurence/that numbers/cannot haunt my dreams.

( Posted by: die_daily [Member] On: May 29, 2004 )

liked the poem

but thought I should defend math. it's a beautiful but difficult language that has proven to be very useful. personally, I am a convert.

as far as your poem goes, though, I think it expresses perfectly the frustration so many people feel at some time in their lives when forced to deal with such an abstract and emotionless poetry as mathematics. Well done.

( Posted by: John Shade [Member] On: May 31, 2004 )

Great =D. You captured the frustration well. I like throwing books, swearing and kicking chairs myself. Cursing lecturers and textbook writers helps too. The beginning is great and my favourite line is the "that bittersweet numerical defeat". Die's way is probably better but stick with "that" whichever way you go. It was a little weaker in the transition from stanza 2 to 3 I thought but then finished well. The flow was a little disrupted there. Maybe I'm looking for "number of" between these two stanzas to make the "total" link with "times".
And in that third since you've already mentioned times and add I thought maybe you could do something with divide and minus or subtract as well. Just a thought anyways. Good fun isn't it?
Bloody maths.

( Posted by: smithy [Member] On: May 31, 2004 )

DD- I agree with your modified line breaks. They improve the flow quite a bit, actually.

Thank you guys for your feedback. And yes...math is beautiful in many ways, but the class I was in...was not. Heh. So difficult, although I am thankful for the "B" I ended up getting. Thanks again. =D

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: June 1, 2004 )

I feel your pain

just because I care for you - but I have to agree with John Shade, mathematics is a damned handy toolbox.


( Posted by: johnlibertus [Member] On: June 10, 2004 )

Good poem
I've been reading random stuff on this site for quite some time, and equally intended to join for some time.

It was after reading this poem that I decided to join just so I can comment - and your other one about the teacher and you learning a lot at the end.

Good writes, I can relate to it also.

Rainbows to you ~

( Posted by: NuovoVesuvio [Member] On: January 22, 2006 )

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