Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(1 votes)

RatingRated by

You must login to vote

If I should wait a little while,
For you to turn to me.
If it should take a little time.
To wonder what could be.

Then wait I will, untill that time.
When you may start to bud.
Like spring but starting in the mind.
Waiting, trickle or flood.

For light so dim to wax in strength.
And cast it's light on me.
Your soul so thin, a wisp, within.
To wonder what could be.

And maybe when I value you,
you will value me.
And someday we will be as one.
As many long to be.

Too lost to shadows of the mind.
that darken every step.
afraid of even the most kind.
so long those souls have wept.

So come, I gently call to you.
So long I wait for this.
There is but little I can do.
I call your light you wisp....

And when you see what is to be.
will your heart still call?
For when it is you someday see.
your true self, after all.

Related Items


The following comments are for "to the lost."
by wally 5

to the lost
I enjoyed the solid structure and the ease of the fluid rhyme. Your point did not seemed forced, but found like perfect round stones on the shore. I like the contrast in the poem of the depth you have found in yourself and the depth you wish this other person to dive into, because you have captured the possiblity in your mind and desire them to do the same. Then you can share equally. Nice.


( Posted by: cheris621 [Member] On: May 20, 2004 )

This poem touched my heart when I read it. I think partially because I know what you're describing. All it needs (to my mind) is some more colorful language and it would be amazing.

I like seeing gentle poetry on occassion. ;)

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: May 20, 2004 )

I like this piece because of the simplicity of fluff, but lots of emotion...good work yet again...

( Posted by: Reba [Member] On: May 21, 2004 )

Good Job, Wally
Nice and flowing - The political and social overtones are somewhat etched in and may seem contrived. In general, its really good. I enjoyed it.

( Posted by: the demure 1 [Member] On: May 23, 2004 )

Ignore 'em!
This poem is fine as it is, Wally (maybe an extra syllable in the last line of the second stanza, but maybe not). Ignore cried for you to add "more colourful language"! One of its strengths is its simplicity and directness. The language works wonderfully just the way you use it.

You know, if you're not a published poet already, I don't know why the hell not.

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: June 22, 2004 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.