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excerpts from life.
by b. schatz

crazy.

Almost every day, I watched the world pass me by while I tread around in my own corner of reality. People walked by. Their existence lingered in my sight and my memory for brief seconds. Their voices all materialized in my head, fragments of speech lasting mere moments.

And then, they were all forgotten, lost in the folds of my mind like so much other meaningless information.

Naturally, this existence became quite cumbersome and lonely. So every now and then, I began to step out of my corner, or if the mood hit me, I let other people inside. Their world and mine would intermingle for moments, sometimes longer. And sometimes... sometimes... I reaped the whirlwind.

My steps into the classroom had been very cautious (for some great unknown reason). I had brought myself to the room many times over the course of the school year, but never had I passed the threashold for any other reason but to attend class.

And never before did I actually soak in the noises in the room...

...you going to the punk show on Fri...

Backpack hitting the ground.

...ajor slut. Can't even keep her legs together for on seco...

Movement of a desk.

...hinks he's hot shit now that he's gotten laid...

Flipping of pages.

"Hi."

Her voice sang through all of the sounds that were cluttering inside of my head. Its tone shone inside of me and spoke to my soul, teasing it with its sweet nuances. I immediately searched for the source of this creation. And I found her.

She was sitting in the second column from the door, second chair from the front. Her crystalline, playful green eyes were gazing at me. Her perfectly wonderful and brilliant smile was directed at me. And she had said hi.

Hi.

"Hi."

I smiled sheepishly and fought the urge to twitch a little. Afterwards, I scanned for an appropriate and dapper response that would make her swoon.

Uh... hi... lo.

Stupid brain.

She giggled, "That's cute. You think of that all by yourself?"

I shrugged.

I doubt it.

The bell rang. Class was about to begin. I started ti walk towards the back of my room, to my regular seat in the corner the furthest from the door.

She opened her mouth to speak, and seemed to catch herself. I walked past her. She turned to face me, and words suddenly spilled from her mouth.

"You can sit beside me."

Pause.

"If you uh... if you like."

The words filtered into my head and I stopped. Fear flooded my every

Thought.

Breath.

Movement.

Millions of situations crammed themselves into my sight.

I walked away and fell on my face.

I stood rooted in the very spot I had stopped in for the whole class and everyone snickered childishly at me.

I took her up on her offer and sat down.

My head exploded. Which wasn't even feasible, but it was still a possibility.

"Or... not. If you don't want to," she offered hesitantly.

I shut my mind off and turned to just look at her. To just look in her eyes.

There was

Hope.

Fear.

Reluctance.

Wonder.

It was all there. All inside of her. Inside my head. And I knew right then, that she was going to make me go crazy.

But I also knew that I would love her for it.

I smiled and raised my hand to my head to make sure it was still intact. That information in hand, I uttered

Thank you.

Everything seemed to breath a sigh of relief. I sat down.

She smiled.

"You're welcome."


------
"I remember the sound of your Novemeber downtown. And I remember the truth of the warm December with you."


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by b. schatz





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