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Avian Temperment

I came on the mockingbird out in the tree
At the edge of the yard at the ranch,
Sitting in rapt contemplation alone
on a soft-rocking mid-level branch.
And he didn't see as I crept up below
To find what it was that absorbed the bird so.

We two were acquainted, (you couldn't say "friends")
From the concerts he gave time to time.
He had dandy melodic interpretive skill,
Though his songs were delinquent in rhyme.
He was quite a showman, with feathers and flare,
For accent he sometimes hopped up in the air!

I think I had caught him composing a song,
Or at work on some staging detail,
And he only moved to avoid falling off,
An occasional twitch of his tail,
An avian Beethoven sitting to brood,
Lost in the throes of the creative mood.

But then he saw me, and left in a huff
For the black walnut tree down the street,
Expressing his ire and artistic contempt
With a comment he dropped at my feet.
A crass mortal repaid for intrusion
on a genius in fertile seclusion.

Paul Godfrey

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The following comments are for "Avian Temperment"
by SamPark

bird calls

Sorry, I couldn't contain my excitement at this wonderful poem about our dear feathered friends. I love birds (if my name doesn't make that obvious enough) and this poem does their beautiful language apt justice. There were several lines here that I enjoyed and I have to say apart from a slight reworking of rhythm in places (I'd say around the last two stanzas), this is damned near perfect to me. Take care. =D

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: May 19, 2004 )

mocking bird
I liked this and loved the picture it painted. I think it a delightful piece of poetic artwork.

The whole thing flowed perfectly, except for the last two lines, which I felt needed extra words in each to keep the rhythm.
something like:
'A crass mortal repaid for selfish intrusion
on a genius busy in fertile seclusion.'

However, this is only my personal opinion and I loved the poem immensely anyway.

Thank you


( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: May 19, 2004 )

skipped a beat...
Thanks so much for the comments! I am glad you like the poem, even with those irritating missing beats in the last two lines. It is a little awkward to explain why I did it that way, since I don't really know. However, I wrote it for my mother on mother's day (she loves mockingbirds), and when I asked her if I could change her poem just a little she said no rather firmly and then reminded me that she had brought me into the world, and she could take me out of it. I might consider changing it if one of you could steal her walker for a bit until she cools off. Thanks again, sincerely!

( Posted by: SamPark [Member] On: May 20, 2004 )

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