Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
10

(1 votes)


RatingRated by
10MaxiiJ

You must login to vote

The darkness swallows up the patterns on your ceiling
so I can't trace them in my insomnia
I think your gentle breathing is keeping me awake,
peeling open tightly shut eyelids.
I will lie and think of you instead.

Rather than dozing
I sit and contemplate
the words we exchanged in some strange method
of couple's battleship.
I don't see you as my signifigant other but I certainly
know that body of yours.
Stretched out next to mine,
and I have to confess I love it.

I must admit that you are not alone in your feelings
and in your fears.
I memorize snippets of loving phrases
you whispered in my ear,
hoping to engrave them in my soul
to hold us as close as we are in those moments.

Unlike other lovers who are jealous and hurtful
you trust me (to some extent)
and I feel like you can let some of my problems go.
Like slipping a penny through the grating of a drain
I can slip by your radar and fall
right into the pool of love below.


------
"God grant me distraction."
-Zampano


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Battleship Down"
by Darkshine Raven

I liked this piece..
Hi DSR, a nice write of love. A person
showing passion is a person truly
dedicated to the one they adore..


My favorite lines...

I memorize snippets of loving phrases
you whispered in my ear,
hoping to engrave them in my soul
to hold us as close as we are in those moments.

Cool, Best wishes...Mouse..

( Posted by: Raejon [Member] On: May 15, 2004 )

DS
Another great poem that I enjoyed reading. And I loved the Title "Battleship Down" . Thanks for the read.

Blessings,
{{{Jeannie}}}

( Posted by: JEANNIE45 [Member] On: May 15, 2004 )

battleships
D.R., this is lovely...not what I expected after reading the title, you drew me in..."I memorize snippets of loving phrases
you whispered in my ear,
hoping to engrave them in my soul", I love your usage of words...well done
Reba

( Posted by: Reba [Member] On: May 15, 2004 )

Identifying with Unfamiliar Territory
In a few words, carefully chosen, you have managed to bridge my gap of experience and identified your liberal experiences with my monogamously directed emotions. Good show. I may borrow this thought sometime.

( Posted by: MaxiiJ [Member] On: May 15, 2004 )

quite good, Amanda
I liked this; your poetry is getting distinctly stronger.


john

( Posted by: johnlibertus [Member] On: May 16, 2004 )

not love, but still
I love how poetry can mean different things to different people. =D

I'm honestly sitting here blushing over the compliments you are showering me with. I'm glad to know that I have tapped another well of inspiration. Take care everyone.

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: May 17, 2004 )

Battleship Down
This was a wonderful poem. I love the imagery of the darkness swallowing patterns on the ceiling, and the insomnia. The first stanza is my favorite. Thanks for the GREAT read.

( Posted by: everybodyelsesgirl [Member] On: May 17, 2004 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: