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You've all heard it. The old adage. "Oh what a wicked web we weave when first we practice to deceive."

Well it is true yet again.

This person that is very close to me has a problem with lying. She takes every opportunity to do it. No matter what the consequences. I believe at this point in her life it has become such a habit that she can't control it anymore.

She and her boyfriend of ten years recently bought a house. It is in her name as he has bad credit. But he has stayed behind at their previous residence to continue with his good paying job in order to be able to help her with the mortgage.

While this is all well and good he hasn't exactly been the most wonderful boyfriend to her. For the first four years of their relationship she had to support him as he was frequently out of work. Perhaps he is trying to grow up and turn over a new leaf. Although his credit and spending habits did not improve, he is at least attempting to be responsible. Which is admirable.

But too little too late. She moved here so that she could get away from him. Whatever possessed her to purchase a home knowing full well that she would need him to assist with the mortgage is completely unknown to me. Perhaps she felt that she desperately needed to own her own home and she didn't give it much thought. I believe that is a large part of the reason. However, here's where the big lie comes in.

Not only does she not tell him goodbye, she allows him to continue helping her with the mortgage, and although I understand that she deserves this as kind of a payback for those first years together it is very deviant. Because she has since found someone new. She has only been in this new home for 8 months. Well fit hit the shan here the other day.

She told him she was taking a mini vacation because her work called her back for the 7th of May. He acknowledged that. She lied about where she was going. She was going to visit the new boyfriend. She didn't bother to tell us who may get involved that she had told the old boyfriend anything. Lo and behold on the 6th guess who's calling everyone she knows as to her whereabouts. He is rather a jealous and possessive kind of guy who frequently checks up on her. She was supposed to arrive on the 6th of May and well had she followed through with her deception everything would have been fine. But no, she was having such a great time at the new boyfriend's place that she decided to extend her ticket until the 10th.

Well he called everyone. Her parents, her friends, friends she hasn't spoken with in a long time and so on. Consequently he has realized, even though they were forced to lie for her, that she was lying to him. He is not very happy about this. Who would be? But alas she has caused great upset in her family and with her friends.

Since he is the violent type he threatened to come here and pick up his things. She told me that he may even try to hurt her or wreck her house. So as her friend I have had to lie for her when he called here three times and aid and abet her by going to her house and destroying the evidence of the other man's existence. Not much fun for me.

She has finally returned and well I'm not sure how it has worked out. I suspect that she had to call him last night and he told her he was not going to help her out with money anymore and well she's screwed. Even more so because she lied to the new boyfriend about whom was helping her pay the mortgage. She claims the new boyfreind wouldn't understand. Mostly because he was married before and was burned by a money grubbing wife.

Well the thing is, when do these people learn that lying is not the answer?

Do they ever? It is not just her. Many folks I've known this life prefer to lie. They see it as a means to an end. Like when they get in trouble at work they blame someone else. What is the point of that?

Well just my thought on lying. But be forewarned, those of you who are on her side. Many a good friendship has gone away for less. If she wasn't so closely related to me I would not be speaking to her as she lies to me alot. In fact I shouldn't continue but I keep hoping that she will learn that it is hurtful.




The following comments are for "The web"
by brandy

I appreciate the advice not only on the writing but on the situation. It was very hard for me to aid her as I felt that it was so wrong. It went against all of my better judgement and yet I did it anyway. I realize now that you're right I should have done what I considered to be the right thing and not help her. Perhaps I need Dr. Phil... Thanks for your advice Jessica.

( Posted by: brandy [Member] On: May 11, 2004 )

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