Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(1 votes)

RatingRated by

You must login to vote

somewhere between a whisper and a scream,
in a place where nothing is as it seems,
our blood mingles as it flows up-stream.

the creatures speak to me, in a language all their own.
the white birch trees are constructed of old dried bone.
our blood mingles as it drips onto the stone.

flying beasts with beaks of gold and claws of steel,
wings of ice, too numb to feel.
our blood mingles as we strike the deal.

when the bruised sky licks the scarred land,
I'll raise the blade with a trembling hand,
and watch our blood mingle, before it's sucked into the sand.

Related Items


The following comments are for "Demented Dreams"
by Reba

Lovely little pattern, but the rhyming strikes me as cheap and sectarian -- as in, it brings to my minds visions of greasy-haired adolescents playing Dungeons and Dragons in a shag-carpeted basement. I just can't break in to that little troupe.

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: May 14, 2004 )

Pen & Viper9
Pen, as always, I appreciate your comments...and I think you came up with a better name for the piece..."montage of chaos" :)
Viper, I literally laughed out loud when I read your see, there is a story behind this poem, and you're in it...I have my own certain 'style' of writing, as all writers do...but it's healthy to broaden our horizons and learn other styles...well, I've read some of your work, and truly enjoyed much of what I've read...I was hoping I would attract your attention to this piece, and get a comment from you...although it's not the most flattering comment, (but I did see the word "lovely"..hehehe)
I still am very appreciative to your remarks, and I thank you for taking the time to do so :) I'll work harder next time ;)
thanks again to both of you

( Posted by: Reba [Member] On: May 14, 2004 )

Sorry! Had I known, I would have been more effusive! How flattering. I'll check out more of your work now (geez, how could I not?).

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: May 14, 2004 )

Glad your back!

I hope you are back to stay a while, I had forgot how much I enjoyed your work. Your poetry, rhyme, rhythm, subject mattter and imagination combine to make you an excellent poet!

I would reccomend anybody to look over your work for an insight into poetry at its best.


( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: April 13, 2005 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.