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Michael steps into the club and fears he's lost his mind

He loved a girl and gave his heart, now he's been left behind

Inside his coat he feels the edge, the razor tells him why

He'll find the bitch that broke his heart and then he'll make her die

He smiles and pictures in his mind her pending mutilation

Losing life to Chili Peppers Californication

He spots her their, across the room at her usual table

"Smile now bitch, have your fun cause soon you won't be able"

She's sitting in her usual way and with the usual click

Her best friend Fran, Her gay friend Dan and some other greasy haired dick

Their laughing at him, there's no doubt as she relays the tale

How he begged her not to go as she was trying to bail

He steps up to where they sit and fear leaps in her eyes

Michaels here for just one reason that he can't disguise

He pulls the razor and lashes out til Fran breaths her last

The greaseball guy goes for Michael, who's razor's much too fast.

Candy stands and screams her scream, but now it's just too late

She sees the blood run from her friends and Michael holds her fate

The razor finds her throat and quickly slices through the vein

Michael smiles satisfaction for having returned the pain

He lays his love down as she dies, a bench is near and handy

The others watch and wonder why...Michael's killing Candy



------
It wasn't my fault...I fell asleep and missed my stop.


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Comments

The following comments are for "Killing Candy"
by Jeff

Jeezzzzzzus!
Talk about morbib! Crickey!

This is kind of an odd piece. I mean that in a good way. One one hand it has the rhythm of a lighthearted poem, but the content is...well...heartless, which really made it powerful and somewhat frightening.

If you were on death row, this thing could get you the chair. You superbly captured the anger and warped thinking of a raving lunatic and since that's what you were going for, good job.

Parteepants



( Posted by: Richard Dani [Member] On: February 20, 2002 )

Yikes!
I thought this was great. The rhythm was real good for the most part. I must say, I have never read a poem quite like this though!

( Posted by: The Hal [Member] On: February 20, 2002 )

nifty
Jeff,
This was definately an interesting poem. Good ryhme, had a message, kinda twisted-not bad, not bad. If anyone reads my poetry they can see that it doesn't ryhme, so I am always fasinated with peoples poetry that does ryhme and means something. I like how this one not only has a reason but also tells a story.
So keep up the good work.
Later,
-Dras

( Posted by: drastine [Member] On: February 21, 2002 )

Too Wordy...yes
Thank you for your comments. I have since re-written this poem and in fact pulled out a few words here and there. Although, not the word "been" as you suggested. I always try to focus on rythm in my poems. From time to time this may cause a few extra words to be thrown about. If I can accomplish a good flow, the extra words seem worth it.

I think if you read some of my stories, you will find that I use words like I use my credit card, only when necessary.

Thanks again for your thoughtful comments.

( Posted by: Jeff [Member] On: February 26, 2002 )

Lightheartedly morbid
Lightheartedly morbid!

I like this piece for that contradiction in terms alone. You captured the purpose of the piece well.

I like how 'Candy' was just a name, barely a person in this, it lends credence to the speaker that he is somewhat disturbed, and that it could have been any girl, who had pissed him off and hurt him, for any reason - Candy just happened to be 'lucky' that day.

Ju =*_*=

( Posted by: De`esse [Member] On: February 27, 2002 )





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