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My world is collected in photographs
Spinning lopsidedly on a disintegrating axis
Precipitately collapsing to a drunken mess
On this carpet that sends spiders up my arms
To hunt the insects beneath this lacerated skin

Sunken and soaked from pointless tears
Blackened insides, charcoaled and dried
Yearning for poison, for incinerating relief
Because I fought fire with fire
And now Iím burned through

This mirrorís eye view is insulting
Losing sight of everything Iíve tried to grasp
Under ugly bruised skies,
These street lamps become suns
And suburbia is exposed, raw and naked
Boring, pastel colored clones on dead streets
Inside a lonely boy
Far deader than anyone sees

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The following comments are for "Rotogravure"
by Virtex

While I thought a couple of lines were a little cliched, this is nonetheless a compelling poem. Some effective and aggressive imagery, and a great finish. Good work.

( Posted by: Viper9 [Member] On: May 10, 2004 )

Ah, Angst and Boredom
I have to agree with Viper9 that you skate really, really close to the edge of early teenage angst cliche with this poem. Certain elements... pointless tears, blackened insides, nearly would have lost me to rampant eyerolling if you hadn't neatly rescued "black as charcoal" with "fought fire with fire".... well, that works.

And yet, and yet... you've got some real genius peeking through in bits... your first three lines are near devestating. "This mirror's eye view is insulting" is the kind of uncliched, worthwhile line which will have me peeking in on your next post with some vivid interest.

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: May 10, 2004 )

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