Dark Cloud...
by nae411 (Moderator) - published: May 8, 2004
Word Count: 163 Word Bytes: 1020 Viewed: 393 times
Category - Poetry
© Copyright by nae411

9.5

(2 votes)

Rating	Rated by

9	MaxiiJ

10	PETERPAULINO

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Dark Cloud please return to where you've been,
I cannot deal with you today.
My heart is aching, the breath from my lungs has
just withdrawn into Neverland.
Why now do you appear?
Rainbow was just peaking over my horizon.
Won't you let her remain?
Happiness is always just one step away.
How frivolous of me to think you'd let her stay.
Dark Cloud you are not my friend.
Pour rain on my soul if you must,
but then leave on the same breath you rode in on.
Uninvited as usual, bad timing is your game.
No time for despair.
Heartbreak is one to familiar my companion.
Didn't call you back so please be on your way.
Don't return tomorrow, won't have time for you
then either.
Doesn't matter if you've missed me,
you can do without.
This is just one time too many.
Seems a lifetime ago since you let me be.
So please Dark Cloud, just return to where
you've been.

------
I am on a journey. Looking for Me. Everyday I get a little closer. The more time goes by the more I realize I'm always changing. This journey could take forever... Renae L. Soler

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Comments

The following comments are for "Dark Cloud..."
by nae411

Almost perfect (to me)
The sentiment comes across clearly and there's good flow in the position of your words, but in some places you seem to forget the rhythm you've begun and just chop off the thought. Perhaps it's just in how I'm reading it. It always sounds better when the writer reads it because they (usually) know their hearts intent.

PS: In order to find out who we are we first have to find the plumbline by which the natural universe balances right and wrong/good and bad. Without a plumbline we have no shape, size, form or other dimension. I found mine in Christ: and even now I am a book being written every day by the choices I make. But at least I make them with knowledge and not by random coincidence.

( Posted by: MaxiiJ [Member] On: May 9, 2004 )

killer thats awesome

( Posted by: DEMONeyesBLUE [Member] On: May 9, 2004 )

good..
A bit too many words and lines repeating, that mean the same thing.
Reading through many of your works, Man! you
must lead a sad existence.
I don't really know what to say to someone
that's sad all the time..

Have a really joyful life.
May time deal you the best,
May you live forever with a smile,

Best wishes....Mouse..

( Posted by: raejon [Member] On: May 10, 2004 )

Reply Raejon
Mouse, Thank you for wishing me a forever smile. I am not a sad person, I actually am known as a very light and up person. Sometimes poems don't always reflect everything that is going on in someone's life. Or maybe I just write on a bad day! Oh well.

( Posted by: nae411 [Moderator] On: May 10, 2004 )

Re- nae411
[quote]Or maybe I just write on a bad day! Oh well.[quote/] lol..
Thanks nae411 I appreciate you stopping by to
read "Some things never change"..
Wow, I'm happy that you're a very light
and up person, I'll remember that when I read
another of your poems.
Yes, you are right sometimes poems don't always reflect everything that is going on in someone's life.

I'll see you around the forum.
Best wishes...Mouse...

( Posted by: Raejon [Member] On: May 10, 2004 )

Dark Cloud is Someone!
I like seeing the name 'Neverland' appearing in poems, I myself have written 'Neverland' in many of my poems. And also, I think Dark Cloud is really someone with initials DC, please correct me if I'm wrong. Renae, I really love your poems and I read everyone of them. I don't believe you are a sad person, not in general. I simply believe that you are chronicling your feelings mood after mood after mood. You speak from your heart, it maybe true that you repeat some lines and they mean the same thing, but one person could write a poem with several lines all with the same meaning, and its beauty depends on how well they were written. This poem is just so beautiful in its sadness and despair! I hope you'll be able to post even the earliest of the poems you wrote. Just one question, is Soler a Filipino name?

( Posted by: PETERPAULINO [Member] On: May 11, 2004 )

reply:Peterpaulino
Thank you so much for your comments. Actually Dark Cloud could definately be a person, but no the initials are not DC. I am not that brilliant, good thought. Actually the name Soler in my case is from Spain.

( Posted by: nae411 [Moderator] On: May 11, 2004 )

Fair enough. Nae411
Fair enough..(lol)

My friends call me Rage or Mouse..

Rage is short for Raejon.....Ray-jon..

Don't ask me why I was called mouse
(I could be persuaded) (LOL)

Take care Nae411....Mouse.....

( Posted by: raejon [Member] On: May 12, 2004 )

Renae Soler..
Hi Nae, I left a message for you at
"Some things never change"
Time to fly.. Best wishes..Mouse..

( Posted by: raejon [Member] On: May 13, 2004 )

Renae Soler..
Hi left a message at
"some things never change" time to fly..

All the best ... Mouse..

( Posted by: Raejon [Member] On: May 13, 2004 )

congratz!
verrryyyy goood, woww...congratz!

( Posted by: rosebud [Member] On: May 13, 2004 )

Dark, random cloud
Something funny: I was reading this and picturing palm trees! Might be because you live in Florida...I think.

I enjoyed this. Did you write it during a hurricane? And I don't mean an emotional one.

Why haven't you posted lately?

( Posted by: desvelado [Member] On: December 30, 2007 )

Desvelado
Hey there, wow this is an oldie. I wrote it through an emotional hurricane but the real kind would have been a less draining one I am sure.

I haven't posted because I hardly write anymore. Wish I did. Can't seem to get anything on paper lately.

Thanks for reading...

Nae

( Posted by: nae411 [Moderator] On: December 31, 2007 )

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