© Friday, April 23, 2004
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I remember well the moment I came to be. It is a moment forever captured in the annals of my mind. I shall never willingly let it go.
In that moment, I beheld, and knew... even as I am known of my father, for that is how I am made. All thing laid before me, and given to me was the ability to chose my own destiny of all those that I surveyed.
Where I come from, knowledlge is evenly disbursed, but only Father knows everything. You see, He created everything, so He alone knows how everything works. He has equipped every one of us with His ability to know things. But He has left what we do with that knowledge up to us. We have unlimited choices.
Through the looking glass of time, upon which the eras of earth seemed to be only distant, overlapping meridians across the globe of her, I saw many things that interested me.
There, in one era, stood a centurion guard at the foot of an lonely hill full of wooden crosses, where some men seemed to be dying for nothing, and one man died to meet His destiny; He looked sort of familiar. I don't know why.
In another meridian rode Joan of Arc, sword in hand. She, too, had found her destiny; and in the closer portal, just before the meridians stopped, rode Jessie James on a fast steed, unearthing clouds of choking dust, never to find his true destiny.
I was enthralled by the rustles of petticoats and the beautiful fabrics on the ladies of that era. But even as I knew... and was known, I understood that my greatest possibility and potential lay not in any of those eras, but in the last age of time, when knowledge abounded and humanity stood at the junction where destiny and damnation converged. That is where I knew I was needed, and there I chose to go.
“Father! Father! I want to go there!” I pointed excitedly. “That’s the house of souls, isn’t it?”
I knew of the galactic testing being done there, and that it was the last of three tests my Father constructed to outwit Lance Balderdash, the archangel of music, who had challenged Father's patience and caused great division among myriad clans. Many of His beloved ones had turned away from Him because of Lance, and with evil hearts, they now sought to over throw Father's rulership once and for all. I had to give Lance credit for trying, but I could not bring myself to even look at him when he came to counsel meetings to accuse humans before Father and The Chief Counselmen. His attitude positively escaped me, for I could find no terms for it, in any language.
He and my eldest brother always argued. My big brother, Zoehadah (which means Alive from Death in Reptuvian, my native tongue) is kind and gentle to everyone, but I know that he is known to many as A Man of Great Battle Scars. He was marked as such on his earth cycle.
“Yes, my child. But it is a hard place, and few there be that pass its test. You are now fore warned.” Zoehadah told me.
“I know! But Father, I want to go! I believe I can do a good job! And I want to be a soul!”
“All right, my child. Choose well and let me know when you are ready.”
I went to Zoehadah's side and looked into the eonometer, and as it spun, I saw a middle aged man and a older woman in a white room, crying. And he said to her, “When our grief is past, we shall have another.”
And she answered him, saying, “Promise?”
And he assured her, “Promise!”
They looked like kindly souls to me. And as I looled at their life-lines I saw that they could teach me all I'd need to know to be successful.
“I want them!” I told Zoehadah. And when I looked into his eyes, expecting him to share my hopes and joy, I saw instead, sadness.” My heart did not understand this, for Zoehadah was always full of joy.
“It’s hard down there, Little Sister. Naked you go in, and naked you come out. And you can not ever return here, to be with us, unless you find all the keys to life and return with them, for that is the Law of our Father’s mouth. You can not loose even one! And you must never lay them aside. Lance is wiley. He will try to steal them if he finds a weakness in you down there!”
“I know! I know! But I'll be good at this! I am strong. I know I can do it!” And once again I looked into the eonometer and beheld the promise that was mine. “I still want to go!”
Just then, everything shook as with an explosion, and showers of Nubian Starbursts, just birthed, sped past, like transparent tear drops of irridescent vapors, dancing and singing, and some slowed down to stop before the eonometer screen, talking among themselves with vibrations and pulses that my brother and I understood.
“Are you going there, too?” I asked, hoping to find a friend to travel with.
“Not in this quadrilliam!” They all laughed and turned away. In a flash they were gone, I know not where. I knew they had their destinies to fulfill, too, and I knew also I would see them all again on the final Sabboth, when we all gathered by the sea of Ramoth to honor Father.
On that day, Zoehadah will present each soul from the earth realm to my father, and father will welcome them home with great feasts and music and merriment and there would be great joy everywhere. But that would only happen, once and for all, on the final Sabboth. That much I knew.
And so, I prepared myself to meet my destiny. I kept repeating, “I must find the keys! I must find the keys! I must find the keys!”
“When you get there, Little Sister,” Zoehadah said, “You will not remember us, nor what we say here today, or that you ever came from here. That is part and parcel of the journey you have chosen.”
“Oh! Brother! I shall never forget!”
“Most of Adam's children do forget!” He was unusually sober. “But I will come to you, and make myself known to you again, down there, as I do all the other children of my Father, and perhaps, on the path you have chosen, you will remember. But I doubt you are that strong.”
“I will not forget!” I was emphatic. He smiled at that. I knew he knew what it was like, for we all knew he had been there, and met his destiny early, and made a safe return, bringing many souls home with him.
“Then, if you are ready, go tell Father.” Brother said.
“Father!” I hollered, summoning all the joy I possessed. “I want to go there. I want to be a soul!”
“Then, my child,” His voice boombed like thunder, “GO!”
Whether by His will alone, or by some feat of science, I know not, for Father keeps many secrets from His Children: But, I was on my way.
The scenery seemed to pass by faster than the speed of light, and all that was clear to me was the distant sphere of blue and white that was poised in the sky like a shining disco ball against the blackness of starlit velvet.
I marveled at the beauty of it all, and the excitement of my journey swelled within me like hydrogen in a balloon. Father had instilled vast amounts of knowledge within me. I’m not sure how I know that, but I do. That’s just how I’m made.
As the journey neared its end, the sphere grew larger and larger, and I gasped as some hot essence began to burn me. What an unusual sensation!
I had known this part of my journey would be very different from anything I had known before. I was not prepared for the intensity of it, and I filled with strange feelings, as something pulled and pushed against me, and I knew not what it was.
It held me fast and almost suffocated me! I pushed and pushed, but I could not loose myself from it. It was hot, and humid, and bleak... wherever I’d come to. I was bound and trussed and restricted for the first time ever! I didn’t like it, but I knew I had to face it.
“mmmmmtttrrrrr, yyyrrr aaarrriiittt.”
I heard a muffled, distorted sound. ‘What language was that!’ I thought. ‘I couldn’t understand a word!’
“llllll bbeee cccccchp.”
“Oh, God! Where am I?”
“You’re fine, Little Sister.” I heard Zoehadahs' voice say through my vibration synthesizer. “Now, I know it’s unusual, and very confining, but it will grow to fit you very soon, and I won’t leave you, no matter what, so you just have to keep your cool, and take it slow while learning to use this new suit. In just a little while, you’ll find it fits just right, though it's terribly frail. Try not to damage it, though it's programmed to repair itself. Pretty soon, you won't even know it's there! I have to talk with Your guide now, and line up some tests for you that Father approved right after you left Him. Try hard to find the keys, now, won’t you?”
“Yes, brother!” I tried to say, but “bbbbuuuup!” is what came out of the new tactile vibration modulator. I knew right then, I may have bitten off more than I could, literally, chew. This was not going to be an easy task, but then I’d been warned. Brother told me that many fail to make it through this part of the cycle and abort their journey because the suit doesn't fit right.
Oh, how did I ever think I was going to be able to do this! Didn’t father tell brother I was an impetuous young one! Now I think He was right. But, alas. It’s too late to turn back now. I must follow through to the end.
“The End!” I didn’t even know what the end of this phase was. How would I know when I got there? Could I find someone to lead me through the maze. What local equipment could I employ to get me there. I’d watched Father as He and Zoehadah made the maze, but they were careful to not let me see the test before my departure! At least I knew brother was near, too, so I wasn’t totally alone. That was a relief.
New sensations began to arrive through the extra sensory perception receptors of the new suit, and it soon became easier and easier to work within the new systems, though I'm sure I must have appeared spastic if anyone was catching. It was amazing to be here! It was wonderful! It was HOT!
‘Hot! What is hot?’ I wasn’t sure what it was, but I was certain that it was, and it was affecting my suit! There was a blinding pink brightness all about me and I could only see small portions of my pink surroundings from within this suit, and whatever the pink stuff was, it was most disagreeable and salty! Salty! Yes, Salty! And I knew it was salt. What a wonder this new place was. So much new stuff and unlike at home, I knew nothing of this place!
Suddenly, everything got dark and foreboding. And there was a loud series of vocal vibrations that jarred me all around.
“Hhhhhaaaaarrrrr! Hhhhhhaaaaarrrrr! Hhhhhhaaaaarrrrr! Yyyyyooooorrrrrr ssssssoooooooo sssssssiiiiiillllllllyyyyy!”
I couldn’t understand a bit of it!
I pushed against it with all my might, which usually cured any situation, but very little of this new sensory suit worked right. At least it didn’t seem to work right! Maybe they gave me a broken suit! Maybe that was part of the game.
Well, I’d learn to use it, regardless. I’d just set my mind on getting it right, and that was all there was to it.
I spent many tannens (hours) trying to get my new suit operational. Over and over again, I repeated the aolsis (alphabetical rhythms) regimen to train it to my liking. But it was very difficult, as if the thing had a mind of its own! It was very irritating, and I found the concept of that very thing hypnotizing. What was “irritating” anyway. What a strange word it was, but that’s what came to mind, so I knew it was the right word. Father made me that way!
Many periods of light and dark passed while I was entombed in that new place. I could not tell if this is all there was of the journey or not. But it didn’t seem likely. It was as if I was being intentionally kept in the dark about everything. I didn’t even hear brother’s voice again for many tannens.
Suddenly, there was a great force exerted against me, and my world began to shake and quiver. Loud, horrible, terrifying noises surrounded me. Swooshes, groans, squeeks and thumps jarred my concentration; sounds like I'd never heard before: heavy, unhappy sounds. I opened my eyes, but the harshness of the salt around me was too much and I closed them again.
I was being slung from side to side and jarred roughly. That’s when I felt the first sensations of panic. “Oh, God!” I tried to scream. I was being synthesized and pressurized as if being molded by something solid! I screamed against my constraints until I thought I would be no more! “Oh, God! Father! Help me!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, over and over. Then, to my utter surprise, I seemed to be free of that place. But this new place was hard, and cold and I felt myself trembling and screaming at the pain of it, unable to open my eyes to see for the brightness of it. What feeble goggles this new suit had!
“Well, Mr. and Mrs. Foran,” I heard a loud voice say. “You’ve got a fine, healthy baby girl here! “And she’s got some set of lungs on her! Don’t you agree?”
And I quieted myself when I heard a distantly familiar voice say, “She’s beautiful in an ugly sort of way! Can't be my kid if she's so red! You sure there ain't some Indian around here?” I heard those words and I knew him, even as I am known of my Father. This was the man from the white room, my Daddy! my earth father! And this was my Mom!
“Eureka!” I screamed into the world about me. “I made it! I’m a soul!”
But no one understood me.