I am not as evil as everyone thinks I am. I am a pretty nice guy in fact I will go as far to say as I am as evil or less than you are. Its just I surround myself with evil. Its really a blanket my counselor says it’s a defensive wall I put up. I disagreed with him and things got a little rough. Beating up a psychologist isn't as fun as it looks. They whine a lot. Its so annoying you can barely hear yourself think. Back to me not being evil. I am not evil as I said but everything around me is. I mean I am a Super Villian but not an evil person. Sure I once tried to cross bread a shark and a Pitbull to make the Ultimate vicious attack animal but all I learned is that Pitbulls don’t swim as fast as sharks and I am pretty sure he couldn’t do his thing. Him being in the shark’s teeth and well the rest of the scene is pretty gruesome let’s just say next time I won’t play mad scientist without the knowledge of basic biology of animals. Hmmm that reminds me to hire a zoologist or at least someone that past that part of High School. Alright back to the reason why I decided to write you. Lately in my company I have noticed that some of my plots are being foiled. I looked through the papers no new sightings of superhero’s . Last entry of even the word superhero was a front page headline 6 months ago telling the world about how the body of “The Wonder’ was found Wonderfully compact in a small box somewhere. I am not saying I had anything to do with it. However I think you can see the dots. Well lately as I said my plots have been foiled over and over again. It really pisses me off. I let some time go by and suddenly there in the Morning Chronicle Post telling about how a new guardian named the Pencil Pusher was making his name by leaving a pencil made from some weird metal at every bad guy he put behind bars. I wouldn’t usually care about guys like this but in every crime in town I have a part of it. So even though he had a stuipd name he still interfered with business. Little did I know that this Pencil Pusher was just under my nose.
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It all started around 10 A.M about three days ago I was sitting in this red chair that is really comfortable where I sit and watch the wall of Security monitors where I control everything. Ok I will tell you the truth I watch the girls that work at my offices. See its my headquarters I can do what I want so don’t start calling me a macho pig. Today was different the sun came in from what seemed a weird angle I had my eyes focused on a beautiful redhead that just walked in and all of a sudden behind her walked in this guy wearing this silver suit which was so shiny. It was so bright in fact it hid his face from the cameras I watched as he reached into his pocket and took out a mask which had the top cut out and was also very shiny. The guard at the front counter tried to stop him but he did this weird kick thing and began running. I smiled and I knew he was coming for me or trying to. I walked to my desk watching the monitors as he ran through my building and started throwing pencils at cameras. I put my head in my hands. What is it with these Super Wannabe’s. I began to think of how I wanted his first encounter with me to be. How did I want to make my first appearance. Hmmmmm I scratched my chin. I guess I could have my back and when he gets in here I can slowly start to clap and turn around. No that is to Cliché. I know I would be under my desk and for the next 5 min make my voice sound like its coming from different places in the room. Also a no go a little to immature might make me sound weak. Ah I know. I came to the conclusion that I should put my feet on the desk light up a big ol cuban cigar and just wait. So I did. The poor guy took the stairs the whole way up by the time he got up to me He was out of breathe. I heard the pounding on the door and then they slowly oppend. In walked the man in the silver suit. Visibly out of breath. His suit jacked was now over his arm
“Your new at this so I will give you a hint. The elevator is always a good thing to take if you want a fight.” His response was not expected.
“Shit I knew I should’ve planned this out better.” He began to hit his head and began to almost start to cry but it was like a whimper. His voice was squeaky.
“Its ok next time you will know better just calm down and watch your language please you never know when a lady might walk in.” I got up and walked to the front of my desk and leaned on it still puffing my cigar. At 5’11 and what looked to be about a 130 soaking wet stood there still catching his breath. “So you must be the Pencil Pusher.”
“Why yes I am.” His voice all of a sudden beacame deep. “AND I AM HERE TO STOP YOUR EVIL WAYS.” He stood there with his chest puffed out.
“I am not as evil as you think I just do bad things.”
“WELL THEN I AM HERE TO STOP YOUR BAD THINGS YOUR DOING.” He was really serious.
“Before we start are epic battle I want to show you something uh Pencil Pusher come on man whats your real name.” His voice went down to a squeak again.
“Uh Its Greg sir Greg Morningstew.” I cocked an eyebrow
“ Well its good to meet you I am John Tracker.” I extended my hand but he put up a hand.
“I rather not sir I have this thing about germs.”
“Ok well Greg how about some fresh air. Will you join me out on the patio just to talk before you kick my ass.”
“Uh I am new to this superhero stuff but are we suppose to be this buddy buddy?”
“You never heard that thing about How Arch nemesis are usually best friends.”
“Oh yeah.” We began to walk to the patio and I put my arm around him as we walked into the late morning sunlight.
“Greg take off that stupid mask.”
“Is that one of those things to.” His voice was shakey now and it almost seemed hilarious.
“ Yes Its one of those things.” I said with a little chuckle. “Cigar, Ciggrete.?” I asked him while holding out a box of Cubans.
“Do you have any spring water?”
“Well Not on me but lets chat for awhile.” I patted him on the back as we neared the railing. “So Greg how did you become a superhero.”
“I was working in my lab and spilt this stuff on me and I started being able to do weird stuff.”
“Why the Dweeb Get up?”
“Silver is my color and I had a knack at throwing pencils.”
“Very Interesting.” It was almost impossible not just to laugh at this small man. I took another puff of my cigar I was pretty much done with Greg “The Pencil Pusher.” Morningstew.
“You know Mr. Tracker your not such a bad guy.” He turned to me and smiled.
“ Please Greg get a good look you can see the whole city.” Greg got high on the top railing and surveyed the area.
“Yes Mr. Tracker.”
“Can you fly?”
“Why no sir all I can do is the pencil throwing thing and also I can see very well.”
“How close can you see the Pavement.”
“Well I can see it pretty good.”
“Your going to see it a lot better.” And with one easy motion I took him by the belt buckle and just kind of tossed him off. I just stood there and puffed on my cigar. As this lanky character drifted to the pavement and hit it with a Giant thud. It was really a shame he couldn’t fly. A great Shame indeed.
See what I mean I am not evil. Well maybe ok I am a little evil but whats the sense of being a Super Villain if your not going to be evil. Come on, how stupid is the world these days. What will people believe next that Bigfoot lives in my house as a personal slave? Wow that’s a good idea. Well Well Well look at the time. I have to get going, maybe you will catch me next time. I doubt it though. I really doubt it.