Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search
 




Average Rating
6

(1 votes)


RatingRated by
6Unknown

You must login to vote

It was a dark night, Dr.Naue was examining an asteroid in orbit of the planet Yekin.

"It's only a matter of time now"

Meanwhile, on the other side of the planet, a young boy named Tyfer was playing Whaga, a sport were you have to find the most balls and return them to your side to win. As he played he had no idea what while happen to his planet in a matter of days. When he returned home, he found his house in ruins. He looked around for any sign of his family. He found a peice of Galactic Layt armor on the front porch. He knew what this was but he didnt want to do it. He continued to walk around, then he stoped dead in his tracks. He found to freshly torn up bodies of his parents. Just then he heard a crack behide him. Tyfer pulled out his blaster that his dad gave him for his birthday. The crack turned into a click and then he turned around and fired on shot. The blaster shot peirced the trooper's body. Shot after shot peirced right through his armor. He knew that he couldnt last forever because reinforcments where on the way. So he hopped in the persons land speeder and shot off towards Dr.Naue's lab.

Naue stepped outside and met the rush of cold snow. He cound see the asteroid coming down. Then he heard the sound of a speeder coming. 5 minutes later, Tyfer hopped out and ran to Naue.

"Dr.Naue, Galactic Layt troopers have killed my family and are coming this way!"

Continued Later

------
Welcoming To My World...


Related Items

Comments

The following comments are for "Star Gazer"
by kickflip

Progress
It is amazing to see how far you have come kickflip. You writing ability has improved significantly. This isn't a bad start to a story. I would recommend that you slow down and put in more details. A lot has gone on in that paragraph, enough to make it a 800 to 1000 word story if not more.

For instance, you tell us Tyler is young. Is he white or black? Tall or short? Does he have zits? Maybe he has an annoying habit of sucking on his bottom lip. It is these types of details and descriptions that make stories/characters interesting and believable.

Like I said, I see a tremendous amount of improvement in your writing. Keep it up. At this rate, you'll one of the brightest stars of lit.org in no time.

Good Job,

Parteepants

( Posted by: Richard Dani [Member] On: February 16, 2002 )

re:progress
Thankx, I'll tell more about Tyfer in part 2 well thankx again.

( Posted by: kickflip [Member] On: February 20, 2002 )





Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.


Username:
Password:
Subject:
Comment:





Login:
Password: