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7.5

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6A. Cain
9Penelope

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Inside smoulder singes sleek black shirt
with pencil tip,
I open ruined garment;
graphite slices into surface of my skin.

Peel back, peel back, exposing pack of ribs
tucking up to second knuckle
yank and crack
til ribcage stands ajar:
squeeze heart inside to
burst upon the page
splatter blood and love and words
in equal parts.

Throat choked with emotion
spit self onto paper;
wait for drainage through the pencil.

Love and light leak out
blood drips as slow molasses
seal my soul with signing of my name;
shirtless, empty, turn away
knowing I will soon be full again.



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Comments

The following comments are for "Exposure"
by cybele

peace, peace

Cybele, I think your metaphor in this is just too grisly in tone for your subject; what it gains in drama it loses in applicability, particularly given your power of expression: the shock value overwhelms the awareness of your meaning.


john

( Posted by: johnlibertus [Member] On: June 6, 2004 )

metaphor
Thank you, John, Pen- Maybe it is overly dramatic. Sometimes, what I write comes easily. Sometimes it feels like digging a fist into my chest....especially when I have to edit something that I'm attatched to! Which is most everything.

( Posted by: cybele [Member] On: June 7, 2004 )

OK

Maybe it just comes too easily for me, almost everything I've posted here I wrote in under five minutes, with no significant revision.

My discipline isn't really as a writer, it's in my spiritual practice as a Buddhist/Christian, in every-moment awareness of my thoughts and feelings, to check them for honesty and truth. I'm out to eliminate self-pity and self-importance in myself, because they're not realistic, and therefore, probably not legitimate. First I look at the fruit, then I look at the root.

But I've been doing this for 36 years; it gets easier. Anywhere on the path is legit, if you're going in the right direction.


john

( Posted by: johnlibertus [Member] On: June 10, 2004 )





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