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9chapter1
9Spudley

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Whisper softly, oh gentle breeze.
Speak to the soul of the awakening trees.
Breathe warmly against the unraveling leaves,
as you roam languidly on this Spring's eve.
You've blown away the winter's gloom.
Now, lovingly caress the flower in bloom,
and carry with you their sweet perfume
for my rousing senses to consume.


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Comments

The following comments are for "Arouse"
by Reba

Nice
Excellent. Somehow I felt it is not complete.

( Posted by: HedErotic_String [Member] On: April 25, 2004 )

unfinished
thank you both for your comments...I too felt it needed a bit more...I would like to add more to it, but at the same time I don't want to take away from what's there...
Claire, I could never hear 'I love you' enough...especially coming from a poetess whom I adore...thanks for making my day
Reba

( Posted by: Reba [Member] On: April 26, 2004 )

*Swoon*
Oh my...

*swoon*

I love this, it makes me feel, makes me squirm and consumes and inflames my senses and I float, I purrr and I hunger for more...

Usually I don't enjoy rhyming poems, and never this much but oh! Wow!

Reading this, is pure pleasure!!!

( Posted by: De`esse [Member] On: April 30, 2004 )

Couplets?
Reba,

I loved you poem, have you thought of putting it into couplets, ending the every first line with a comma, and starting every second line with a small letter. (You would have to remove the comma from after 'Now' in line 6)

I know this is slightly different to your presentation, but I feel it makes your words more powerful. It could be the something that makes this a masterpiece.

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: May 3, 2004 )

couplets
thank you all for your wonderful remarks...you do a gal's ego wonders...lol...Ivor, I think you're right...this piece would flow nicely if it was constructed into couplets...thanks for the suggestion :)
Reba

( Posted by: Reba [Member] On: May 3, 2004 )

rhyme and rhythm
Beautifully executed. You've got your rhymes and rhythms tuned with the perfection of a precision engineer.

A well written rhyming poem can be a thing of beauty, and this one definitely is definitely well written.

Thank you :)

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: May 3, 2004 )





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