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I sat in the corner of my room, knees drawn up to my chest in the classic insane person pose. Why shouldn’t I be sitting like this? They called me insane and put me in this damn asylum. I wasn’t insane really, its just sometimes The Rage took over me. The want, the desire, the need to crush and kill. To hold something in my hands and to crush the life out of it. To hear its screams and moans of pain, to feel its bones creak and snap as I tighten my grip until The Rage boils over and consumes me and in one violent jerk I squeeze as hard as I can, forcing out one last pitiful death-wail of whatever unlucky thing I might be holding. Sometimes, most of the time, I would realize what I was doing and I would stop, but I was usually to late.

I’m not insane, I didn’t choose to be like this, I’m not insane, I don’t want to hurt things, I can’t control it…

So me and the other three unlucky sons of bitches who are in this part of the asylum are kept locked away for most of the day, let out for a few hours. They kept us away from everyone else, for fear that we might hurt them. My only three friends in the world and I didn’t even know their names. Names didn’t come up much here, when we did talk to each other it was directly to that person, so we really didn’t need names. In our world it was only us four and the orderlies, and the orderlies didn’t get talked to that much though they liked to talk to us. Mainly to insult us, and on occasion to insult us. It was amusement for them, to get them through the long boring day shift, but for us it was a more subtle form of mental torture. It was amusement for them, we aren’t laughing. But our day would soon come, and with it, they would feel our pain…oh yes, our pain…

My best friend in this place was the guy in the cell next to mine, he was tall and skinny, with dark brown hair and deep sunk brown eyes. He was the person I talked to the most when they let us out, and he also kept me awake at night by punching the walls of his room. He put a lot of force behind his punches to, whenever I saw him his knuckles were cracked and bleeding, and the walls had inch and a half thick padding on them. The guy next to him was another one of my friends, he was huge, his massive frame towered all of us. Even though he inspired fear in the orderlies, his blue eyes gave him away. If you took the time to look into them, you could see that he was actually very gentle, but he did not take well to the orderlies pushing us around. Finally next to him was the one I really wasn’t sure about, I really didn’t like him that much. He was shorter than me, had a shaved head, and thin red lips. He had been transferred here after he attacked another patient for seemingly no reason, I didn’t trust him at all. I started laughing, which drew little attention from the orderlies passing by, but really who am I to talk about trust, being a patient in a mental asylum. “Its nighttime.” I said, Yeah, the lights were just turned off, I replied. I laid down on the padded floor, “Goodnight.” I said, Goodnight, I replied. Thud…thud…thud, “Quit punching the damn wall, trying to sleep in here!” I shouted. There was a pause and then, Thud…thud…thud…its to that rhythm I fall asleep every night.

I woke up, curled into the fetal position in the corner of the room, it was the warmest spot in the room, a hot water pipe was right behind the wall there. I stood up and stretched, lights were still off, then pounded on the side wall. A moment later he hit the wall in return, at least he’s awake, suddenly the lights snapped on, temporarily blinding me. Breakfast was on its way, in fact it arrived just as my eyes were adjusting to the light, well they were punctual around here. I looked at the circle of wire reinforced glass in the door and sure enough the female orderly’s face appeared, shortly replaced by a gruff male orderly’s face. “You know the drill.” He barked. I stood with my back against the far wall, hands interlocked behind my head. The female orderly stepped in and laid the tray of food in the middle of the floor, I bowed my head slightly and said, “Thank you.” She giggled and said, “You’re welcome.” The male orderly interrupted probably the best moment of my day, “Don’t get to close to him, he’s a killer,” he said smiling at me, “crushed a guy’s windpipe and then ripped it out.” The female orderly gasped and took a step back, “It wasn’t my fault!” I shouted, suddenly filled with anger, “I didn’t mean to!” I took a step forward, and the male orderly brandished his prod, “Yeah?” he said, “well I didn’t mean to put you on the floor.” With that he slammed the live end of the prod into my chest, every nerve in my body exploded with electricity as I fell to the floor. My eyes rolled up, all of my muscles contracted, I tried to scream but my throat clamped shut, I writhed on the floor as electric fire wracked through my body. Even when the pain subsided my body still twitched involuntarily, and through it all I could hear the orderly’s laughter. My eyes rolled around in my head and for a second I saw the female orderly’s face filled with shock, and then they both turned and left. I sat up shakily in front of the tray; toast, carton of milk, and a piece of fruit. I ate my breakfast in complete silence, not even bothering to talk to myself, I finished the toast and milk and picked up the orange. I held it up to my eye for a second, then it started coming from way down deep at the back of my mind. It slowly enveloped my mind, black as the devil’s own heart, I could feel the fire begin to burn in the pit of my stomach. Fucking orange, my hand clamped down on it, the peel-split open and juice sprayed out into my eye. I screamed in pure anger and ripped the orange in half, throwing the pieces at the door, I stood up and kicked the plastic breakfast tray across the room. I stood there, breathing ragged, fists clenched at my sides. Then it drained from me, and I realized that it had took over me again, I collapsed to my knees and crawled to the warmest part of the room, hugging my knees to my chest. Then I lost it, tears pouring down my face, why does this happen to me? Why do I have to hurt things? I never meant to kill him, and I would gladly trade places with him if I could. The judge said I was going to be sent here for rehabilitation but instead I became a guinea pig for a sadistic doctor. I head the orderly laugh again as he looked in the window, even after he left I could still hear it, echoing in my mind. With my back against the warm padded wall I retreated into myself, not sleep, but the one place I could still go and feel safe, deep inside of me…

There was a knock at the door, I raised my head slowly, not knowing how long I had been inside. In the circle of glass I saw the female orderly’s face, her emerald green eyes looking in at me. I didn’t move, I just stared into her eyes. She tried to tell me something though the door, she must not have realized that the rooms were almost soundproof from the outside. Then she looked left and right before I heard the lock slide back, I smiled, she opened the door and took a cautious step in. I stood up, a bit too fast it would seem because she flinched back a little, “I just wanted to tell you that you can go out now.” She said softly, “The other orderlies wanted to leave you in here but that seems cruel, to leave you in here all day.” I bowed my head, “Thank you very much miss, but if I’m seen with you I’ll get in a lot of trouble, I know the way there and I promise I won’t hurt anyone. So you might want to go on along, no offence to you miss.” She shook her head, “If you’re seen by the orderlies they will hurt you again, and you know that, so at least let me escort you to where you need to go.” I laughed and nodded my head, and even though I could have led her straight to the exit of this place, I didn’t. She was putting her trust in a person she didn’t even know, an insane person, and probably all because I seemed like a nice guy. I couldn’t leave the others behind, not in this place, it would be wrong. So I led her to the room I was supposed to be in and she opened the door, smiled at me, and shut the door behind me. The others looked up at me, “How did you get here?” my best friend asked. The other two had resumed talking to each other, “The female orderly let me out.” I said. He nodded and sat down, shutting his eyes, “So are you okay?” he asked. Guess he heard the incident this morning, “Yes.” I said, sitting down next to him. Playtime is almost over, I said. I looked down, his knuckles were cracked open and fresh blood was dripping onto the padded floor, the stain getting a little bigger with each drop.

The door burst open, “How the hell did you get out!” a voice shouted, and then I was knocked to the ground. I heard the sharp electrical crack as he turned on his prod and suddenly the weight was lifted off of me. I remained on the ground, the wind knocked out of me, but I saw the orderly pinned up against the wall by my other friend. More orderlies came into the room and sent my friend to the ground, twitching and convulsing. Then the original one jumped on me, pinning my arms to the ground, and took his prod out again. “What the hell is going on here?” an all to familiar voice shouted. The orderlies jumped up and all of us scrambled against the far wall, Dr. Gaunt stood there, his narrow eyes looking from the orderlies to us. Then his gray eyes met with mine and my mind was encompassed with pure fear, “You,” he said pointing at me, “you are coming with me.” My knees almost gave out when I head those awful words, the orderlies came over and picked me up bodily and followed Dr. Gaunt out of the room. None of the others moved, we were all scared of him, he did the experiments to us. My mind raced with fear, wondering what he had planned for me. On the way to one of the test rooms we passed the female orderly, she stopped in her tracks and her jaw dropped. We passed her and continued on, down to where the test rooms where. We stopped in front of a room labeled Test E, “In there.” Dr. Gaunt said continuing down the hall. I was thrown inside, the room was blank, nothing in it except for the two way mirror on the wall from where Dr. Gaunt was watching. I looked around the room, then part of the far wall slid up and a kitten walked out, the wall closing behind it. “Now why don’t you pet the nice kitten.” Dr. Gaunt said over the intercom. “What the hell do you want from me?” I shouted. “Do not force me to hurt you,” he said, “now pet the kitten.”

I sat down, giving in, and called the kitten over. It walked over to me nervously, and as I reached out it flinched a little until I started petting it. It then jumped into my lap and started purring loudly, but in the back of my mind I kept wondering what was going on. Then it happened, my hand passing over its midsection as I petted it, and the muscles in my arm and hand contracted. The kitten yowled in pain, trying to squirm loose and scratching my several times in the process. I sneered at it and squeezed it harder, I could feel the bones creak and snap, could hear them, and as its ribs punctured its flesh and came out cover with blood I smiled. The kitten flailed wildly, but the noise had stopped, its lungs punctured and filling with blood. I gave one final squeeze and the kitten emitted a horse screaming sound and went limp. Its blood poured over my hand, onto my white jumpsuit, and onto the white floor. I looked down at its lifeless body, its ribs sticking out a random angles and its skin ripped open, and flung it into the mirror hard enough to make it shudder and leaving a blood smear on its surface. It left me and I realized what I had done, the kitten’s body was laying on the ground pouring blood, a kitten that seconds before was happily being petted. I fell to my knees and cried, I was scared of myself, not only because I hurt things but because when I did it brought me great pleasure, it made me happy. “Thank you, that was very, revealing.” Dr. Gaunt’s voice said. I ran over to the mirror and punched it, leaving a bloody print behind, “What do you want from me?” I yelled again. Then I picked up the kitten’s lifeless body and slammed it into the mirror, “Is this what you want?” I said slamming its body into the mirror again. “Please stop that.” Dr. Gaunt said. I ground the kitten’s body into the mirror with the heel of my palm, “Why don’t you come in here and I’ll give you something you can really study.” I yelled, finally letting the kitten’s body fall to the ground. It drained from me quickly, I didn’t even know it consumed me, the mirror was covered in blood and parts of the kitten’s intestines were stuck on it, trailing from the mirror to its mutilated body, now just a bloody mass of fur and bone. “God please no,” I whispered, and then I was hit from behind with a prod. Electrical fire raced through my body, and I was hit three more times, each time another wave of fire burning my insides, then the pain became to intense and I blacked out…

I woke up, but I didn’t want to, I just wanted to stay asleep forever and never wake up to my pain again. That wasn’t my choice though, I was woken by the female orderly who was calling me, “Its time for dinner.” She said, her voice soft. I looked up, she was just putting the tray on the ground when something slid from her sleeve and onto my tray. She looked up and I mouthed, “Thank you.” She nodded and quickly left the room. I crawled over to the tray, and as usual dinner was comprised of the leftovers of everyone else’s breakfast; two waffles, a small carton of orange juice, and a rarity, two pieces of sausage. I looked at what the orderly had slipped me, two small packs of salt and pepper and a larger pack of syrup. I put the salt and pepper on the sausage and the syrup on the waffles and ate every bit of it slowly. It was the best meal I had eaten in a very long time, but how long had I been in here? Time was a blur in here, day and night were non-existent in here, we went to sleep when the lights went off and woke up when they came on. It was impossible to tell how many days we had been here, but it had been too long. I made my way over to my corner, leaving the tray where it was, and tried to go to sleep even though the lights were still on. The breakfast trays were collected when we were let out and the dinner trays while we slept, there was no lunch.

The lights were out and I couldn’t get to sleep, something was wrong though I couldn’t place it, but everything was normal. I was in my corner still, it was warm from the pipes, but there was something else. It was quiet, there was no sound, and then it hit me. The little worm of fear started crawling around in my gut as I stood up and pounded on the wall. I waited for what seemed like hours for him to hit the wall in response, but there was no response. They had taken him, they had taken him out of his room for some experiment, or worse, The Chamber. The Chamber was a big metal room that was pitch black, but that wasn’t the bad thing. The bad part was that the sounds from our experiments were pumped into the room, then while that was going on strange images were projected on a wall just long enough for your brain to realize that something was getting hurt in it. Dr. Gaunt would then come on through the intercom, “Don’t fight it, you know you are not normal. You are here for a reason, because you kill for no reason, and as a result you must be studied. You must be studied, examined, and then have your mind dissected because we want to know what makes you tick, and after that we throw you away, because you are nothing more than a lab animal to me. Your only purpose in life is to be studied, examined, and then thrown away so don’t fight it.” That was the worst part of The Chamber, because what he said was true, most of it anyways, except for the part about killing for no reason. There was a reason, but I had no idea what it was, I don’t know why it happened.

I sat back down in my corner and waited for him to return, and after an undermined amount of time I head muted voices and then say an orderly walk by my door. THOOM, I jumped at the noise, it was the hardest he had ever hit the wall and it only happened once, but now I could sleep, knowing that he was still alive. I shut my eyes, we would have our day and then they would feel our pain, they would understand how it was to be like this, and we would get out this hell…one way or another…

When the lights snapped on I was awake and waiting, I jumped up and ran over to the door, pressing my face against the glass, looking for the female orderly coming down the hall. Over the past week she had been very kind to us, slipping us extra food, giving us a kind word or a smile when she saw us, and on top of all of that she had bandaged up my friend’s had after he broke it, the night he disappeared. Its amazing how much a little kindness could mean, how far it could go, seeing her was the best part of our day. I saw her coming down the hall, pushing her cart along, but she had a strange expression on her face. I put my back against the wall and my hands behind my head, the door opened and she stepped in with her head lowered. “Hello,” I said, “how are you this morning?” She didn’t respond, but the male orderly laughed, “Gaunt said that she isn’t supposed to interact with you in any way other than delivering your meals to you, if she does she gets fired, and if you try to talk to her you get shocked.” I looked at her to see something that tore my insides to ribbons, a single tear rolling down her cheek. Then they both left, and I stood there in total shock, suddenly very angry.

Why was it that rapists and serial killers get put in prisons where they at least get human interaction, and we are stuck in here cut off from even each other for most of the day. Rapists can say that they were under a lot of stress, and be out of prison in five years. Serial killers can say that their mothers never hugged them then they were little and walk away free or at the most spend three years in prison. We were here until we died, simply because we were misunderstood, because nobody took the time to try to help us. We were locked in here for the rest of our lives while the real monsters walked the streets, those were the true insane, the ones who killed for pleasure, the ones who raped innocent girls simply because they were desperate. Normal anger boiled inside me, but I forced it back down to save for a special occasion, soon, very soon.

It was our time to be let out, as normal we were led there by two orderlies who did nothing but laugh the whole time. We were put in our room and as soon as the orderlies left I turned to my friends, including even the one I didn’t trust, and said, “This is too much, and tonight I get us out of here, or die trying.” They stared at me and then my best friend spoke up, “They took her away, why? All she did was try to be nice to us and then they took her away.” My other friend nodded, saying, “I’m with you, I just want to get out of here. I can’t take it any more.”

The conversation went on for the rest of our allotted time, turns out that everyone had a visit to The Chamber that night and they were shown my incident with the kitten. It was agreed that at dinner tonight we would break loose and even if we didn’t make it out, Dr. Gaunt would feel out pain, I would make sure of that. Strange though, the one I didn’t trust never said a word the whole time.

This was it, I saw her coming down the hall with her cart, and I stepped back. Not against the wall, and my hands were at my sides when she opened the door and stepped in. At first she didn’t notice that I wasn’t against the wall and when she looked up she knew something was wrong. “Please step aside miss, now.” Her expression changed to one of shock but she obeyed and moved against the side wall. “Hey you aren’t supposed to talk to her.” The orderly said, swinging the prod at me. I caught his arm and ripped the prod from his hand, slamming it into his stomach. He collapsed, convulsing, “Go, now!” I screamed at the female orderly and she ran from the room and down the hall. I let them out and we all smiled at each other, “What are you doing?” I looked over to see the female orderly standing near us. Suddenly the one I didn’t trust ripped the prod from my hand and slammed the live end into her chest, dropping her. He then picked her up and hooked an arm around her throat, using her as a shield, holding the prod at her neck like a knife. “Why?” I asked. “Because she is one of them, she is a part of this, she is a part of why we live like this. Don’t you see? Everyone here must be killed, they made us live like this.” “She never did anything to us,” I said, “just let her go and we’ll leave.” Then he smiled, the single most frightening sight of my life, and he let her go, took a step to her side and rammed the prod into her neck. I heard flesh tear, and I saw blood run freely from the ragged wound, her mouth opened in a silent scream and then the smell of burning flesh filled the hall. She thrashed wildly and then went limp, slumping to the ground. I suddenly got sick, because I realized that he was our end result, we would all turn out like him, it was only a matter of time before The Rage consumed us completely.

“Kill him.” I said, turning and running in the opposite direction, I had a surprise for Dr. Gaunt. On my way I passed a window and saw that we were very high up, but then I saw Dr. Gaunt’s door, how strange, his office was on our floor. I kicked the wooden door open and he jumped out of his chair, “What the hell do you think you are doing?” he shouted. I charged him, knocking him to the ground, and started to pound his ugly face. His nose crunched and broke, pouring blood, and then once more I felt it coming and for once I embraced it. I laughed and stood up, “Its time for you to die.” I said smiling. I put one foot on his forehead and stuck both of my hands in his mouth, grabbing his jaw and pulling on it. He screamed, a strange choking sound, and I pulled harder, my muscles in my arms tearing. Then there was a slick, wet, pop and his jaw unhinged. I gave one last twisting jerk and his bottom jaw ripped loose, spraying an arc of blood across the wall. His tongue hung limp from the remains of his mouth, blood pouring everywhere. I laughed again, but one of sheer pleasure, too bad though, I wanted to hear him scream. You don’t get everything you want, it didn’t matter though, we were free to go now. I turned a corner to see another scene of death, the walls were stained with blood and my friends lay dead on the ground, along with the one I didn’t trust and three orderlies. Both of my friends had been killed by blows to the head, one of the orderlies was missing his throat and the other had a ragged hole in his chest, he was still breathing. The one I didn’t trust was sitting against a wall, a prod rammed into one of his eyes, as a result his body twitched endlessly. I left the hellway and found the elevator, taking it to the bottom floor. I passed the receptionist’s desk, ignoring her threats and stepped outside stained in blood.

It drained away. I ran through the darkness, crying, what I had done finally catching up with me. I ran, I didn’t know where I was at or where to go, the only thing I knew is that I couldn’t stop running. I had to find somewhere to stay, to wash away the blood, somewhere I could sleep without fear anymore, but I knew I couldn’t find it. The only thing I could hope for is someone who understood what I was going through, someone who was afflicted with the same twisted disease as me. Until then all I could do is run and hide…mainly from myself…


The following comments are for "InSaNiTy"
by Highly Flammable Man

perhaps something more?
I like this story. It's well-written, with vivid characters, and the sort of situation that allows you to like the character who kills small animals and tears them apart.
My only qualm would be that the conclusion to this story leaves one wanting. Would you maybe consider adding on to this story, maybe even to the point of novella?
Otherwise, a fine read.

( Posted by: Beckett Grey [Member] On: January 26, 2002 )

I love the way you tell a story. You use great characters and lots of action.

Good job Mr. Flammable, and I hope we see more of your stuff.



( Posted by: Richard Dani [Member] On: January 26, 2002 )

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