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A stake to the heart, a stab in the back
The pressure builds inside me on one great stack
He called you a dyke, he called you a ho
But he is oblivious, I am the only one to know
My heart aches, while my soul quivers
Just one look at you, and I get the shivers
I thought you could make it right, just a chance
Little to my knowledge, I was off in a trance
My own little dream world, what fun is that?
She has scratched at my soul, like a defiled cat
I can not sleep, I cannot eat
Not when I found out that you are a cheat
The pain inside me is bursting like a bubble
The brutality of women, is it worth the trouble?


The following comments are for "Brutality"
by WastedYouth

wasted youth indeed
I've been in a place very similar to this poem. It was years ago, when I was a teenager. I think we all go through this stage in our creative life. And with that said, when describing a universal experience it's best to avoid using too many cliche's. If you aren't saying something new, you should try and say it in a new way. The fact that you obviously feel this piece very deeply shows you have the first step in writing good poetry, just give yourself some room to experiment with your word choice and you should improve.

That's just my two yen.


( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: April 12, 2004 )

I liked it...
I liked the poem..can't wait for you to post another one..I like your rhythm of the poem and the rhymed words...I feel that you reached deep inside the depth of your being to express what you were feeling through this poem..It's a good piece..Keep up with the good work.

( Posted by: Windsong [Member] On: March 1, 2006 )

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