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8.5

(2 votes)


RatingRated by
8C.Lynagh
9LovesEssence

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So afraid to make a jump, this worlds so dark,
I will never leave, I will never depart.
I feel so safe, so brave, so loved.

Hold me in I donít want to come out,
Hold me above I donít want to drown.

Tugging at my legs just leave me be,
This cold air reflects the ground you breathe,
Keep me in donít take me out,
Forget the crown donít take me out.

The warmth is safe just look at where Im going,
Hanging upside with a glimpse of life.
This isnít my time, not on this fucking line,
Take me home, take me back inside.




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Comments

The following comments are for "The Womb"
by Elias

Neat.
It's so good that it could be a rap.

( Posted by: LovesEssence [Member] On: April 6, 2004 )

Ummmm...
At first, I think that the reader gets a feeling of fear, and then suddenly the fear changes to anger. I really like your style, and it was very good. I could have done without the cursing, but thats who you are, and it's cool that you show it in your poetry.

( Posted by: insanewriter2000 [Member] On: April 6, 2004 )

Birth
Firstly I think you will pull in half of the women on this site purely with the title. ;) Good job. Secondly, I agree with insane, that my initial reaction was uneasiness nearly. I felt a tad uncomfortable, which was amazingly captured by you and I liked that challenge.
Finally my only crumb would be the repeat of the phrase "take me out", because there isnít any repetition elsewhere it just didnít work for me there.
C

( Posted by: C.Lynagh [Member] On: April 6, 2004 )





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