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Almost

I feel it, clawing at my mind
thinly grasping, almost touching
the vapor of nothing washes over me
I close my eyes and breath it in

I feel it, forming, sort of storming
skittering on the brink and back
and with deliberate movements sense it
it's form, formless, evades my grasp

It starts to take shape and fades
clouding in my mind, then clearing
shouting at me to listen, then silence
taunting me every inch of the way

I let my eyes slowly open
yet nothing waits in my mind
the idea so intriguing and illusive
slipped away into my thoughts, perhaps to dream


------
Chrispian H. Burks
Lit.Org Owner / Founder
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The following comments are for "Almost"
by Chrispian

Good one
Great job, I liked this a lot

( Posted by: The Hal [Member] On: January 18, 2002 )

Provocative
Crowe,

I really liked this one. You've perfectly described everything from "trying to form that story idea" to "where the hell did I put those car keys." I loved the smell of it. I don't know why, but for me it had a smell like apple pie or maybe a fresh cut lawn. Either way, I liked it.

( Posted by: Jeff [Member] On: January 18, 2002 )

Superb, for poetry
I really liked the imagery of this poem. And I think you perfectly captured the mental processes of an Alheizheimers victim. Don't laugh. That is very hard to do.

And I don't think it needs the last three words. To me, they stuck out and broke the rhythm (how do you spell that word? I admit it, I'm an idiot.).

But the poem overall was awesome.

Parteepants

( Posted by: Richard Dani [Member] On: January 19, 2002 )

re: almost
Partee, you know, that last line was bugging me too. I couldn't put my finger on it though, and now I know why! Thanks for pointing it out.

( Posted by: Chrispian [Admin] On: January 19, 2002 )

Gladly
I'm glad I could help. Ya know what this poem reminds me of? The scene in "American Beauty" where that crazy kid is videotaping the plastic bag blowing in circles.

But that's the way ideas are sometimes, elusive and spiraling.

( Posted by: Richard Dani [Member] On: January 20, 2002 )

re: gladly
This poem was basically me putting to words the idea of loosing a thought. I find myself thinking of cool ideas all the time, but if I don't write them down and try to recall them later, well, I seem to only be grabbing at straws. I see it for a split second, then lose it, etc. Hence the poem ;)

--chris

( Posted by: Chrispian [Admin] On: January 20, 2002 )





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