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8Spudley

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There goes another bomb
Misses……no-one hurt.
A missile, bounces off the land- rover;
Lands in Orla’s back garden.

“Everybody out”, the soldier shouts.
Everyone listens, running, crying.
Petrified is about the word.
The bomb explodes most windows break.
Orla’s favourite wedding present smashes,
Pieces fly.
The insurance will pay….
Her memories won’t.

Down the road,
A brick hits the child.
Unconscious in being and soul,
Taught 'their wrong' he's right.
Or whatever that means..
Now the child will know,
The colour of his blood is the same as mine
Lying in hospital,
Feeling his parents pain, his parents guilt, and His parents way.

Across the street, the ‘Boys’ are out.
Young! Strong! Aimless in what they do,
What they have done and who they have hurt.
Destructiveness in their hands is but emptiness.
Understanding is incomprehensible.
The life we lead loves us throughout our days,
no matter if we beat, rape, or embrace.

"This area is cordoned off, please turn back"
Those immortal words,
They signal nothing but pain,
Like a knife through a nation’s soul that knows
No boundary in self-mutilation.


On they march, headstrong and blinkered.
More bricks, stones, mortars, punches and verbs fly.
Buses alight, police men down
Children crying, mothers screaming, fathers fighting.
The end is full of smoke,
And a long way away.




------
C.lynagh


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Comments

The following comments are for "Homeland?"
by C.Lynagh

raw.
A painfully vivid picture you've painted here. I was flinching as I read it. You've made something feel personal and real that most us only experience sanitised through television.

What I liked about it was conversational style, as if you were leading us on a guided tour of a trouble spot. That's what gives it a personal feel, and makes it memorable.

Thank you. :)

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: April 9, 2004 )

Thanks Spud
You hit the nail on the head; it is an extremely personal poem, sometimes the worst one’s to hear an opinion on. But in this instance I'll make an expression ;) Thank you for the gracious words, I know it's not to everyone's taste, it's hard to take and maybe a little rugged, but for me it's the only way this subject can be done. I've tried to write this different ways - they just didn't do it justice, in fact it trivialized it. The bareness and numbness of the 'troubles' can only be captured with this bluntness (I think) that is so truly, 'Irish'.
Cheers again for taking the time to comment.

( Posted by: C.Lynagh [Member] On: April 9, 2004 )

Genius Lines
There are bits and pieces which trouble me... the repetition of "land" in the first stanza, the use of the word "petrified" which means "turned to stone" to describe people who are ostensibly running, the phrase "unconscious in being and soul" which sounds both strained and contrived (was he unconscious before the brick hit? are you describing an unnaturally jaded child or one who is knocked out by a blow?) "the life we lead loves us" which was comprehensible but could be phrased in a sharper manner (does this vague abstract thing, life, love you? is that really knowable?)

.... and yet....

This is such an amazing and sharply culled description of the chaos which results when war is home and everpresent. It's evocative enough that it stands like Guernica -- both particular and universal in it's poignant cry to *see*. Your final two stanzas are your best and the last two lines are so perfect I'm nearly green with envy.

There are minute flaws but overall this is breathtaking and viscereal. I'd offer you my kudos, but I'm afraid such small words of dim praise look small and paltry next to this significant text. Ah, well. It's damn good, damn good.

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: April 9, 2004 )

Wow........
Guys your making me blush, thank you hazel.
I agree with the comments you made about "unconscious in being and soul", it does need to be changed and has been several times, I'm still looking for the exact words. Petrified I like, though I can see your point about its literal meaning. Also, "the life we lead loves us", could definitely be bettered. Thanks for opening my eyes to those. I'm glad you liked.
Cat

( Posted by: C.Lynagh [Member] On: April 10, 2004 )





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