Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(0 votes)

You must login to vote

I am going to admit here that I am, have been, and likely always will be, a very odd boy. Not even so much an odd boy as an odd person.

It is not for lack of trying to be normal, to fit in to some kind of social category. It is more because, after a time, I just gave up on it. At a certain point you just begin to realize that you really don't fit in with the "usual" social crowds or follow one creed or another when it comes to defining yourself as an individual. So I suppose, in that sense, I am a bit of an anomaly because I can find no real label for myself. I guess a person could label me a "crazy self delusional writer" but I think that would be stereotyping. Plus, I would need to display some sort of skill or affinity for writing in order for that to be true. Yes, for those of you who enjoy reading my work, I did just belittle both my humble talents and your taste. Sorry, I just don't know what you all see in what I have to say. Either way, it doesn't particularly matter in relation to what I am trying to say.

I suppose that this confession is more to make the greater world aware of the things that I see in myself. I am a very strange individual. I have been for as long as I can remember being, and I do not exactly know why that is. It could be that I believed in magic and the possibility of my ability to change the world on a whim, for a long time. I don't think I have even truly begun to let go of that belief, in some ways. I still think that magic exists in this world, but I also have tempered this with the idea that magic these days, comes to us in smaller doses than it might have when the world was younger and people were more willing to believe.

Another strange thing about me, is that I'm rather indiscriminate about who I will be friends with. As long as a person has done nothing wrong to me, I see no reason why I can't be a friend with them. Also, I see no reason that I can't forgive a person over and over again until they prove that they are truly beyond redemption. I believe in giving of myself, not because I have to or because I feel I will be rewarded. I like to give as much of myself to others as I am able, mostly because I think too few people in this world do. I think that we selfishly guard ourselves from each other, until we do nothing but walk around with masks on our faces. We are so caught up in half truths about ourselves, that eventually all of us gets lost. I try to be as real with people as possible, to keep my innocence, and my wonder of the world around me. Why? Because I don't know that I could do otherwise. I look at all the things in this world and I don't know how anyone could not do the same. Even the fact that we live and breathe and think... all of these things astound me constantly, because it is a little miracle. It is a little bit of magic in our world. All of creation is a little bit of magic, one giant miracle, and an enormous and engaging mystery. The greatest mystery, the most wonderful part of it all, is that all things are connected. Even beyond the immediate reach of this little planet we live on, the smallest things we do echo outward. It's so gigantic in my head sometimes, that I have to step back mentally. It is just so incredibly overwhelming.

Everything I have is so amazing to me. And it is hard to believe that I have come out as lucky as I have in life. My friends, my family, and my love... all these things astound me, because I do not think I could ask for more. I just wish that I could pass on all that I feel, give to others a small bit of the joy that is in my life. I wish that I could give them the sensation of wonder that I feel just waking up in the morning, when I lie in bed before really getting up. I'm sure you all know that moment, where you lie there, thinking. You squirm deeper into the blankets, hiding in that warm pocket your body has made throughout the night, and just close your eyes while your body relaxes and your mind wanders. When I do that, I think about the world, my life, and all the amazing things that I've seen and done. I have had so many opportunities, and so many more lie ahead of me. The best part is that, now, unlike before, I have many more people who I love, who will get to share those things with me. So maybe it's a good thing that I am a little strange, because I doubt I would have met and gotten to know these people otherwise

All that's in my mind, is those words we never say but always hear falling between the cracks.

Related Items


The following comments are for "A Confession"
by TheSocietyInc

I enjoyed reading this. As a teacher I'm always suprised at how many "normal" kids don't feel they fit. Perhaps it's because we teach our children that wearing a mask is okay so they never connect and are wary of those who are open to the world like yourself. Although I am extremely lucky in my blessings, I have always felt disconnected for the most part. There should be a club, and tears are the dues.

( Posted by: jaycee [Member] On: April 2, 2004 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.