Lit.Org - a community for readers and writers Advanced Search

Average Rating

(2 votes)

RatingRated by

You must login to vote

One day my soul trailed behind my body
Hovered above, and
Being silent
In secret observed-
Flushed face, panting breaths,
Beneath sweat dampened hand
And glittering, feverish eyes
Are all the vices of the world
And all the virtues, too.

Alas! The soul cried
Covering his eyes
Pale and shuddering
Alas! Such sin.

Being body, flesh heeded him not
Substance to solidarity touched-
Nib's inky lust for trembling smoothness
She was warmer than soul
And lighter in burdens;
She had kicked free of the soul
In paroxyms of lurid ecstasy
And made herself, God.

The conscious shape reality.

Related Items


The following comments are for "We Call It Vice"
by Furius

Becoming God
Oddly, I must say repetition of "soul" didn't bother me at all. This is difficult to describe, but because the subject is a kind of religious one (though treated ironically) I think you can more than get away with it. I think this is because of the archaic patterns of KJV, preachers and Victorian spiritual poetry.

What bothered me is your conclusion. I didn't feel you'd earned it through the working of this poem. And so the final line fell, plop, heavy as lead or a failed punchline.

That's not to say I don't think you've created something interesting here. I like the rest of the entry. I simply wish you'd finished it in a less heavy-handed manner.

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: April 1, 2004 )

Add Your Comment

You Must be a member to post comments and ratings. If you are NOT already a member, signup now it only takes a few seconds!

All Fields are required

Commenting Guidelines:
  • All comments must be about the writing. Non-related comments will be deleted.
  • Flaming, derogatory or messages attacking other members well be deleted.
  • Adult/Sexual comments or messages will be deleted.
  • All subjects MUST be PG. No cursing in subjects.
  • All comments must follow the sites posting guidelines.
The purpose of commenting on Lit.Org is to help writers improve their writing. Please post constructive feedback to help the author improve their work.