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Desperation, a boiling foam,
Nowhere to reach into this blue-black abyss.
Touching forever with my toes
No rocks to be shattered upon, no jagged
Edges to be broken on
Disillusion at the feet of your gods,
Delusional and overwhelmed
You forget how to pray, forget how to breathe
Mumbling incoherently a poem of infinity

Piranhas in my lungs
And murder in the waves
All those sweet, salty stains
Burning holes in the icy surface
Upon your suffocating soul

Dangerous whispers at my ears,
Little fish all through my veins.
An awful thrashing on this body that I own,
This body that I rent.
My hands so far away, pawing at the vengeful water,
Reaching beyond the waves and pain, reaching for
A mermaid to come and make me real,
A mermaid to save my soul or give me two.
A mermaid to breathe the breeze into me
To give me the strength that I can no longer pull from
The deeper regions in me because I cannot even see.

Slipping under water into the foaming
Silence of defeat
Or sleep.
This deaf world of false reality really does not suit me,
I am pulled above, not under, realizing a mermaid
Couldn’t save me and she would never free me.
I quietly fear my own
Imprisonment as a ribbon wraps me like a present

And delivers me, not to the sea, but to the shore,
Where I rip from this necklace that shows no elegance.
Eyes of all kinds upon the face
That went to chase the waves
That little girl who had to be saved.

No soft hands of Mother Nature to caress her face
And promise her it was all to be okay
Just blades of a fan, circling overhead, vultures,
And they’re all waiting for me
To say something.

The gold from my eyes scratched away
By the sand in the waves
Briefly I wonder if I will ever see them again,
My innocent little coffee stains.

I float away in funny little
Hands of ice and
I say nothing to the birds of prey
But I am aware of their presence,
Constant and awake,
Just waiting for me to fall
And have nothing to say.

Clocks aren’t kept here
All there is, all that was
All held together by gasping hands
Fluttering in midair for the
Threads
In the blanket of Yesterday

A mocking face,
Laughing insanely,
Holds my attention for hours
Patterns forgotten.

I sit in front of Him for eternity
My position never shifts
His cold hands never tick
And we are tied together

Searching veins bond us at
The heart
(the soul)
Never am I freed
Never do I let go

To be cast away onto endless,
Open ocean
The immensity of darkness
Staring up at me from the glassy
Surface
The fear of loneliness chills me to
The bones

I am but a forgotten doll
Left in the past to thrive on memories
To die in memories

Dust gathers on my fading skin
One cannot survive on childhood alone.
I bask in the burning white light
Of the face

The cure, ignored, leaves me breathless
Frozen in time
On my knees, praying eternally
In the dying light
Of a broken clock.

Writing by candlelight, no,
writing by the limelight glow
from my nightlight-
my childhood bright-
my dreams bask in the colorful beam
i do not toss, i do not turn
i lay in bed, smiling, sleeping

now, awake! aware!
i fear what sleep does bring-
the inevitable sings-
and fate, it screams!
i lay awake, fancying potential
danger
laughing softly to myself
tearing the pages of my diary under
a manic scrawl

i live in the wasteland of
all nightmares
and i thrive there
i walk the barren land alone
crazed with sleeplessness
and i fall
dehydrated to my knees
my body moans, a sigh, a scream

my nightlight slices into the sky
and it burns me,
evaporates me. if i had tears,
yes, i would cry, but i am nothing
but jerky
tough and dry

i kick at the sheets that entangle
my legs and breathe deeply into the
pillow that melts my mouth like candy
and stunts my growth.

Salty cookie crumbs
Thunder,
you savage beast,
I hear you coughing,
dazed enemy.

This music, fat free
makes you laugh at me
here
dancing and dancing,
dance with me.

We picnic, let's do
brunch,
butter my toast, could
ya would ya,
honey bunch?

Chew me, chew me
pick you teeth,
loving this caffeine,
and we're dancing and
dancing.

Female impowerment!
Abortion is sin!
God is black!, says a devoted
Christian.
No more wars, industrial
whores, make a difference!

We're deaf and in lack of
religion.

sandpaper hands
sketchmazes intomy flesh
rougharound theedges
counteract against
{react again}
soft carttonhouses
touchmy plush childhood
security
in this highwalledcradle
oflies
peeking throughthe bars
that crisscross
zebra stripes across
my skin
{so free of sin}
my eyeswatchseelook at you
moving
your hands upon thecurtains
eyespeeking throughthe blinds
the windows
crisscross you withstitches
maybe you tried to fixit
maybetoomany times
maybe you're justlikeme
buried beneath the
lies
maybe,maybe,mommy...



The honesty of innocent breathes
sigh from us
as we blink within the twilight
and forget that life
{where we dared to fight)

our hands tied
into peace signs;
held so high

beyond the love
inside your voice
shadowed in the trees
(where i willingly abandoned choice)

we cry in the canopy
of history
as decisions drain from us
and the future
learks so near.
I whispered a secret to your ear,
I'm afraid to fear...

You told me the truth
not what I wanted to hear
sweet kisses of hopelessness
chill my soul
tell me {I'mwhole!I'mwhole!)

Every page
Every tear

Every dirty
coffee cup
and ciggerate smoked

Time should be measured in hope

or hopelessness.
Or your wishes...every wish...

Yeah.
time is measured in dreams
(but sleep is for the weak)

should we pray against infinity
and wait to sleep?
telling ourselves, that yes, we're weak.

or search in fantasy

for mismatched words
that dare to speak?

I admit, it's haunting
this sickness leaves me shamed
it eats my soul entirely
and I can't even scream.


------
Briggita M.


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Comments

The following comments are for "You think you're so much better"
by Glass hair of a virgin bride

well written
this is dark, but beautiful. The overhead fan/vultures circling analogy struck me as particularly inspired for some reason. great piece.

( Posted by: MysteriumTremendum [Member] On: April 4, 2004 )

WOW!
Stunning, I'm lost for words.
Be lucky,
Paul the Ogg

( Posted by: Ogg [Member] On: April 4, 2004 )





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