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Heaven Opens

sparking in dimness
from hot headed thunderclouds
chilled silver relief

"All the darkness in the world
cannot put out the light
of one candle"

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The following comments are for "Heaven Opens"
by hazelfaern

I don't know
I don't know what to say about this poem, because it eludes my intelect. Ha.

( Posted by: xinerama [Member] On: March 29, 2004 )

Xin If I May
Heaven Opens refers to a breaking rainstorm. I was trying to convey the giddy joy of cool precipitation which off-sets the muggy prelude of storm clouds growling overhead. I wanted to write this in a slightly abstract way which might also allude to other things -- a shift in an argument, any moment of sudden relief.

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: March 29, 2004 )

hazel, I just love a good thunderstorm...I don't get many where I live now, so this haiku brought me great pleasure...good job

( Posted by: Reba [Member] On: March 30, 2004 )

summer storm
I love the season imbedded but never overtly referenced in your haiku: "hot headed thunderclouds" is very nice indeed.

( Posted by: cybele [Member] On: April 1, 2004 )

visit more often

I thouroughly enjoyed this little gem. "Hot headed thunderclouds" is a simply wonderful image, one alas that I doubt I could have come up with myself.

You should visit this type of poetry more often. I'd venture that you probably have a gift for it.


( Posted by: Bartleby [Member] On: April 7, 2004 )

Bart, silly
You self-depreciating, silver-tongued wordsmith, you're going to have to stop shelling out these flatteries before I garner a head large as a thundercloud. Goodness.

I've seen your poetry. It's brilliant.

And actually, I try and visit this form but I simply have a problem with limitations -- ah, haiku, so strict. "Dive Bar Comfort" is a failed one of these.

This one came to me as I darted out to my car while the thunder growled, overhead, and then that first timid spatter of cool rain began to fall... so I guess I'm lucky with lightning (lol)

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: April 8, 2004 )

i like, i like. (gosh, you've been awfully productive lately...)

ack, you're going to have to forgive me; you know how much copy-editing i've been up to lately, but... how about a hyphen in hot-headed?

and i think cool works better than chilled. something about that internal rhyme is a tiny bit off-putting. half-rhyme.

really tight and fabulous-o.

( Posted by: ark [Member] On: April 11, 2004 )

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