Lost in a half-empty glass, Jesus saved me. Picked me up, put me on my feet and sent me on my journey. That filthy peasant was trying to gyp me though. I want the Old Testament!
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Back in the sewers after being used by Jesus, Moses saved me. Picked me up, lay me down gently and opened up a world to me. That rotten crumbum was gypping me out of the New Testament!
Screw both Testaments!
On the chewed-up-gum filled pavement, Allah came to my aid. Freed me, gave me guidance free of those dirty Testaments. But this guy wants me to spend my money travelling halfway across the globe to some big stone and pray to that same slab of rock five times a day just to be worthy! The audacity!
Drinking from a thrown-out, half-empty cup I found in the trash, I met Buddha. This guy knew his stuff. How could I possibly pass up the road to enlightenment?? As it goes, this man was a rotten thief too, of the few pleasures the trash yields me.
There out back behind a bar, two people exchanged curses and pulled out two bottles from a case of Dom Perignon. Instead of using the trashcan, they smashed the bottles across the other's head. In their barbaric enthusiasm, they passed out as blood rushed from their skulls, mixing with the wine as it also trickled down.
That left me to inhale the sweet bubbly vintage as it slowly dripped to the ground. The intoxicating aroma made me rush to taste the sweet juices of the alcohol. But I tasted nothing but cold, hard asphalt.
In vino veritas! In wine, there's truth.