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How many times have you stood in line behind some helpless idiot who seems to have no idea on how to work his ATM/Debit card? Who are these fricking people? I mean really, ATM cards have been around for more than 20 years. Who are these, head in a cave, clueless mental midgets that can't seem to grasp the workings of an ATM machine.

It used to bother me, but at least it was only limited to the cash machines. Now thanks to every store in the world having an ATM at the counter, I see more of these idiots than ever. Just the other day, I found myself gritting my teeth at the local grocery store, dreaming of slapping someone silly. Waiting for some lady to try and figure out the meaning of life while she paid for her loaf of bread and milk using her ATM card. I could have done it in less time had I been blindfolded, hung upside down and forced to do it with the big toe of my left foot!

How hard can it be...

"Debit or Credit?"

"Enter PIN number?"

"Cash back...YES/NO?"

"Is this amount OK, YES/NO?"

DONE!

I would like to be in charge of deeming persons "UNFIT TO USE AN ATM" They would then have a bar code tatooed on their asses so that they would be forced to lower their drawers in public while the clerk scans their left butt cheek. Watch for the headline in the newspaper that will read..."Local Man Goes Berserk and Kills ATM Customer!, man hauled away screaming Scan their ass...scan their ass" That day is coming soon.

Another thing that bothers me while I'm bitching. These stupid product warnings we're all objected to due to stupid people placing stupid lawsuits against companies for what amounts to their own stupidity (did you get that I mean it's stupid?).

A few examples:

I bought some stick deoderant the other day, a brand I hadn't used before. Upon using it, I pulled off the lid, inside there was a smaller plastic cover, I guess to protect the product. On top of the little piece of plastic it read "REMOVE BEFORE USING" as if I'm gonna spend the next week rubbing this plastic piece against my underarms wondering why I still smell foul by the afternoon? What lawsuit caused this little bit of silliness, and what jackass sued over it...I wonder?

Did you hear about the woman a few years back who sued Johnson and Johnson due to her becoming pregnant after improperly using their Spermicidal Jelly? Apparently, she put it on toast and ate it. She then became pregnant and sued Johnson and Johnson for lifetime support of her unwanted child, claiming it was reasonable for her to eat the product on toast...since they did call it Jelly? The really scary part is that this woman was allowed to procreate...am I wrong?

The last thing that really pisses me off if the signs in the doorway of my local McDonald's which read..."We provide brail menu's, which are available at the counter" Who is this sign for? If I am truly blind I can't read the sign on the door telling me that they have brail menu's. The sign on the door is not in brail, so I ask you...what is the point of the sign???? You guessed it, it's all about looking good. And, in the words of Billy Crystal...It's better to look good than to feel good and Dahling...You Rook Maaahvelous!



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It wasn't my fault...I fell asleep and missed my stop.


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Comments

The following comments are for "ATM Madness and other craziness"
by Jeff

ah.
"Dahlin dear, don't be a shnook. It's not how you feel, it's how you look, and you look MAAAAHVELOUS!"

I cannot believe I remembered that.

It is concievably possible that someone who was taking care of this hypothetical blind person might read it and then tell that person, allowing them to walk into McDonalds without any more shame than one normally accrues walking into McDonalds.

Most of the people who can't use ATMs still understand the proper workings of the check. It's technophobia, I tell you!

Oh. Yes. The column was well-done too.

( Posted by: Beckett Grey [Member] On: January 10, 2002 )

And the woman...
... who spilled hot coffee in her c*** (edited by the profanity police)... between her legs rather. Why do they put a flamible liquid warning on lighter fluid? I mean like, no shit!

I like this Jeff...

( Posted by: The Hal [Member] On: January 11, 2002 )

Good job
THis was very funny stuff! I particularly enjoyed the ass scan.

tee hee!

Parteepants

( Posted by: Richard Dani [Member] On: January 11, 2002 )





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