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10ivordavies

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Feel it pulsing feel the flow
Scream as fear bursts through the door
Freeze with terror shock and fright
One less life is here tonight
It throws its hands around your throat
Squeeze until there is no more
The light goes out from behind your eyes
One more person had to die
It creeps around pacing the floor
Watching the life that is no more
As swiftly as it came into sight
The demon speeds off into night
To hunt and search for more who cry
Who think that they deserve to die
It feeds on fear consumes your soul
Destroys that which makes you whole
Hear its cry ring cold with fright
And pray it won't find you tonight

------
-Punx make better lovers-


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Comments

The following comments are for "Silent cries from burned throats"
by blackheartedpunk

id give a ten
But rating friends and giving em automatic tens is not really cool. Im sure youll get one anyways, good job with this. Making the first one count is what makes people come back for more. Throw in more punctuation to make the read smoother for the reader. I've learnt that, heh. Well, good job and welcome to the family.

( Posted by: EndlessFear [Member] On: March 18, 2004 )

Nice
Great job. Vivid!!!!!!! Loved it!!!!!! Agree with EndlessFear about punctuations. Has to be some dots and commas to enhance the poem.

( Posted by: Sinner [Member] On: March 19, 2004 )

Jax...Ivor
Jax,
Your latest post 'underlined words and hidden meaning' I found an exceptional piece and led me to looking at all your other posted poetry. I am adding you to my favorites list.

'Silent cries from burned throats.'
I love this, its powerful stuff, may I suggest laying it out in four line stanza, with your final couplet leaving us to think about it, as follows:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Feel it pulsing, feel the flow,
Scream as fear bursts through the door.
Freeze with terror, shock, and fright,
One less life is here tonight.

It throws its hands around your throat,
Squeeze until, there is no more,
The light goes out, from behind your eyes,
One more person had to die.

It creeps around pacing the floor,
Watching the life that is no more.
As swiftly as it came into sight,
The demon speeds off, into night.

To hunt and search for more who cry,
Who think that they deserve to die.
It feeds on fear, consumes your soul.
Destroys that, which makes you whole.

Hear its cry ring cold with fright
And pray it won't find you tonight!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is one of the best poems of its kind I have come across,

Thank you

Ivor

( Posted by: ivordavies [Member] On: June 15, 2004 )

The Outcome Is Flooring
Death walks the floor
with unrelenting patience...
consumed by certainty

( Posted by: awhippingflame [Member] On: August 14, 2016 )





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