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Embittered

You fucked my body
You fucked my mind
You couldn't even be bothered
To take the time

To get to know me
For who I really am
Or even bother to pretend
That you actually gave a damn

I let myself be used by you
And oh, you used me in so many ways
All the while, you always knew
That this girl was just another lay

I hope you had your fun
At my personal expense
Because from now on,
I sure as hell will put up a defence

Around my bruised, broken and battered heart
Which you so carelessly threw away
Without even blinking, without a second thought
But more importantly, with nothing to say.


Friday, September 28, 2001 1:25:31 AM


------
Dont think. Feel. Its like a finger pointed at the moon. Do not concentrate on the finger, or you will miss all that heavenly glory. Bruce Lee, Enter the Dragon.

-=- IceQueen -=-


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The following comments are for "Embittered"
by IceQueen

yay!!!
i liked it alot. i'm glad i'm seeing some feminism here (feminism isn't a bad thing either :). i liked it alot!

( Posted by: Veruca Salt [Member] On: January 5, 2002 )

Sensing some anger
I'm gonna give this an "eight," because it accurately depicts the rage you seem to be feeling. However, and I'm no poet so take this with a grain of salt, the rhythm seems a little off.

But when you're that pissed are you really counting beats per line? Probably not.

At any rate, it's good to have you on board. I hope you enjoy your stay.

by now,

Parteepants

( Posted by: Richard Dani [Member] On: January 5, 2002 )

Tee hee....
Veruca Salt:
I am an IMMENSE fan of the band Veruca Salt, and have been for many, many years. We definitely need to chat it up sometime online, and perhaps exchange some mp3's. I do agree that this site definitely needs a feminine touch to it. Thank Roganize for encouraging me to partake in this demented little forum of literary psychosis. =)

Parteepants:
It wasn't so much rage, but rather hurt, although I can see where you would interpret it as being that way. Hurt and rage are very thin lines with me. I'm not a poet either, by any means....I honestly have no concept of iambic pentameters or whatever the hell all that stuff is. I just write what's in my heart, and try to make it rhyme, somewhat. The beats are always off, it seems. What matters most to me is expressing the words and relaying my true sentiment to the reader, regardless of rhythm.

Thank you for your warm welcome....It's good to be aboard. This is a big step for me, because I've shared these poems with perhaps 3 other people or less since I've written them.

Thank you to both of you for your encouragement and positive criticism. It is genuinely appreciated.

-=- IceQueen -=-

( Posted by: IceQueen [Member] On: January 5, 2002 )

feminism
First off, the poem's fine.

Secondly, you're not entirely right, Veruca. Feminism is not always a good thing, due to the fact that there is no one definition for feminism. Therefore, many ignorant people (I don't mean anyone here) have committed hate crimes or simply done and said foolish things in the name of feminism.

Besides, why would you want to be considered exactly equal with men? The female of the species, being the sole reason for the continuation of the human race, is superior to man to begin with. Equality would be demeaning.

Right. Where'd this box of soap come from?

( Posted by: Beckett Grey [Member] On: January 5, 2002 )

hm..
i see your point there beckett. feminism can be at sometimes a bad thing (ie: women taking over the world.), but i'm talking about the women out there who need to stand up for themselves. you gotta remember that some guys will take advantage of girls out there, and it's a sad thing. feminism has to block that, but yeah, sometimes it does get taken a bit too far.

( Posted by: Veruca Salt [Member] On: January 5, 2002 )

What's wrong with people!
This is terrible! This isn't worthy of a discussion of femminisim. You don't feel sorry for the narrator at all! In fact I felt they were lucky to get any sex at all. Powerfull words, particularily four letter ones can shock and bolster feeling, however the over use of them kills the effect. Embittered? Certainly was, however I'm left saying 'so what?'.

( Posted by: Steve Murphy [Member] On: September 18, 2003 )

HMMM
Somebody's been badly hurt here and is feeling used. I don't see the problem as being gender issue. Us girls do our share of heart breaking too. It seems to be rage and putting herself in a position to get so badly hurt - That trancedes all gender lines. Come on people - be nice - getting all this out is quite therapeutic - we've all been hurt and mad.

( Posted by: the demure 1 [Member] On: September 18, 2003 )

Balls
People have been known to hit others because they're angry and hurt, it doesn't make it right. Just as it doesn't make this poem any good.

( Posted by: Steve Murphy [Member] On: September 18, 2003 )

Sorry
My appologies for the harshness of the previous messages. I mean no harm. I've re-read this again, and okay, it's still not my cup of tea, but that's only my opinion. Now I'm trying to think of something constructive... it's good that you stuck to four lines in each stanza, erm, damn, I'll shut up now.

( Posted by: Steve Murphy [Member] On: September 18, 2003 )





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