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8

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8Spudley

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I feel strong
but I know i'm weak
I feel lost
yet i'm so close to what I seek

I feel mistreated
but i'm treated just like you
I feel misled
and no one's telling me the truth

I feel happy
but inside i'm breaking down
I feel like floating
for everyone else who's going to drown

I feel like running
and getting out of my head
escaping to forever
instead of ending up in bed

I feel like laughing
to make up for every tear
I feel like escaping from the wearing
and from everything I fear

drifting far into the clouds
where the sunshine never fails
taking off into the ocean
without any sails





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Comments

The following comments are for "Free Fall"
by B*Dizzle

sorry
I didn't like the self-centeredness of this poem. The rhymes seemed kind of corny, too.

( Posted by: die_daily [Member] On: March 17, 2004 )

I like this
very much. You have a good rhythm and loads of great images. My favorite stanza is the last one. I think it could stand alone. Kudos!

( Posted by: amethyst [Member] On: March 19, 2004 )

good title
I was drawn in by the title - it shares the same title with my favorite comic strip... not that that has it's got anything to do with the poem.

Anyway, to review the poem...

I disagree with die_daily, but I can see where he's coming from: it reads very much like a poem written for yourself; self analytical, without really worrying about the wider audience.

And it works pretty well. It builds a good impression of a mind swirling with many emotions, and it's paced just right so that those feelings all seem to be running into each other.

And that brings me back to the title. It's inspired. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's the best bit. While the rest of the poem builds the description of the various emotions swirling around, the title give the whole piece an added punch by summing up in just two words what it feels like to be in that state.

Score 8/10.

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: March 19, 2004 )





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