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This was sitting in my 6'th grade english notebook, which has been buried under a bunchs crap for the past few years (note: i'm in 12'th now) Can't find any sort of beginning, and I can't remember if there ever was one. Oh well.

The lights buzzed overhead, bright enough to turn night into day around the gas station. Rachel was standing out in the rain, looking up at a sliver grey moon peeking out from behind the clouds. Even from where I stood, I could see her shivering. Because of the rain wetting her face, the tears disappeared.

"Maybe you should come back." I said, leaning against the old battered Mustang I'd stolen back in Utah.

Rachel walked farther away, shoes dangling from her hand.

"You might get sick."

Her hair was shiny, cascading down her shoulders in lank strands. Everytime a car came around the corner its headlights would spear the raindrops, forming a rainbow colored halo around her head. I was expecting a police car to come tearing ass around that corner at any second, sirence screaming, red and blue lights sweeping across the plains.

I walked out towards her, wincing slightly at the cool rain. "I can't stay here forever Rachel, just come with me, theres plenty of money, we can get a little house somewhere, get away from the city. You and me." It sounded silly, but given the circumstances it's the best I could do.

"But I can't just leave, I have a job and-"

"Rachel don't worry about money. Please, lets go."

She reached out and took my hands, pulled me close. "Will we be safe?"

"Of course, I know some people who can get us new identitys and everything, don't worry about it." I pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes with my finger and kissed her, thinking back to our first date back in high school.

(-and the paper is conveniently ripped right there, nothing on the back.)

And another thing is, no matter how much you think you love someone, you'll step back when a pool of their blood edges too close.

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The following comments are for "Loot"
by direb0y

pretty good.
pretty good for a 6th grade english notebook. i looked at it as just one picture of a whole movie (it missed the beginning half, plus, like you said, the end). it was pretty good though :)

( Posted by: Veruca Salt [Member] On: January 5, 2002 )

I think this would make a geat beginning, or ending for that matter, to a story. The characters are starting to be developed, and they seem nice enough.
It's a cute well written little piece. There's a couple of spelling errors though, but no biggie.



( Posted by: Richard Dani [Member] On: January 5, 2002 )

I feel cheated.

I really like what I read of this story - but I do feel rather cheated. I started reading it and got a bit involved, then all of a sudden it is over, Aaghh! So the thing is I like what I saw and if you ever come up with the rest would really like to see what it is all about.


( Posted by: Drastine [Member] On: April 18, 2002 )

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