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8Dew Of Blood

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Windows dripping off with rain,
Cloudy skies lead the way,
Eyes giving off lots of strain,
Time has led me astray,

Never will I explain this pain,
I would sooner go insane,
Still it continues to rain,
Skin begings to stain...
Binded to my kind,
Controlled by my mind,
Tearlines leaning backwards again...
Tearlines showing us the end...

Woke up once more tonight...
Need something to drink,
Something just doesn't feel right...
An empty soul...the final link...

I found myself in the gutter,
Nobody notices me anymore...
Realized that I'm a cutter...
My arms will always be sore...

Tasting ash as the fires burn,
Dying off this stage top,
Hardest lesson I'll ever learn,
No more need to stop...


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The following comments are for "Tearlines"
by EndlessFear

I loved it. Im not really a "pro" on poetry, but I thought that was really good and you definently know how to write.
Windows dripping off with rain,
Cloudy skies lead the way,
Eyes giving off lots of strain,
Time has led me astray
I LOVED those lines... totally understand where you're coming from. awesome job

( Posted by: B*Dizzle [Member] On: March 17, 2004 )

Very nice
I love the imagery. The sheer bloodied emotion. I'm not that good on poetry that rhymes but wow your fantastic.

( Posted by: Glass hair of a virgin bride [Member] On: March 17, 2004 )

very good job here...I particularly liked the first and last stanzas...I love poetry that's written with guts and emotions, and this certainly was...I found the second stanza just a little bit akward, nothing specific, I just lost a bit of the flow but that's probably just me ;)...great words, great work...

( Posted by: Reba [Member] On: March 17, 2004 )

Minor Details
Poetry has a lot of latitude in form, rhyme, rhythm, etc. that other kinds of writing don't have, so there's really no wrong or right unless you are trying to adhere to a specific form.

It appears in the first part that you WERE trying to adhere to some rhyme, but then you LOST it.

Another thing wrong is your choice of the "word" binded. There is no such word. Past tense of bind is bound, not binded.

In the long run, this presentation is good, but those few things I listed, I felt, detracted from the overall presentation. But I see from the other comments that my opinion is not shared by everyone, so 'take it with a grain of salt.' Keep writing.

( Posted by: MaxiiJ [Member] On: May 2, 2004 )

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