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8.5

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9amethyst
8Trunks

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Why must I sit here and wonder?
Will I feel the rain or hear the thunder?
My eyes have been blinded by the sun above,
In my heart I know I will never feel love.
I will never feel a thing because my soul is cracked.
How could you do this to me,leaving my heart attacked.
This life is so hard, this life is so damaged.
But I guess it takes a real man to move on and manage.
The consequences of the mind must coincide with the body.
Just like sitting on your bed with a fully loaded shotty.
It must be easier now with the gun in my mouth,
One pull of the trigger and all the lights go out.
But that's not me, I don't overreact
Its just a relationship I gotta face the facts.
Many more will come, and many more will go.
Some will break my heart, and some won't do so.
But until I find me that very special one,
I'm gonna live my life and have me some fun!

------
Leton Hall


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Comments

The following comments are for "Life Goes On"
by LexiconDon

Scared Me
for a moment with the suicide slant but you threw a great curve and ended with a high note! Great rhyming pattern. Liked this one a lot.

( Posted by: amethyst [Member] On: March 11, 2004 )

ummm...dude........
This is a great poem. The first line grabbed my attention immediately and followed with a good display of using the weather to show the narrator's emotions. It is consistent in content, and you did a good job of taking the arch of the narrator's feelings as they get over a lost love. But the poem loses flow at the line "But I guess it takes......." The language changes and new tone and mood introduced too forcefully and perplexes the reader (well, me anyway). Also, the lines where the narrator talks of taking a gun and shooting themselves is good in itself. The words and syntax have a musical feel to them, but I do not think they mix with the rest of the poem (or at least not in the place that you put them).

( Posted by: Trunks [Member] On: March 18, 2004 )





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