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Unless you’ve been living ‘neath a virtual rock these last ten thousand years or so, you’ve probably seen at least one annoying flashy cyber casino ad. They tend to be retina-burning bright little banners that don’t quite make sense; usually something along the lines of: BOB’S SPORSPOR SUPER MEGA MONDO CASINO CASH WINNER!! $200 BONUS!

Yeah. Those.

These particular menaces to proper eyesight aren’t exactly the topic of this week’s column, but I wanted to make sure we were both on the same page. No, the topic of this week’s column is the Free Casino. Namely the slots. Yes, kids, today’s is an educational column, aimed at anyone who’s ever sat like a zombie before their computer screens, clicking over and over at the graphic of the pull-lever, hoping against hope to win the ACTUAL CASH PRIZE. You see, most free casinos will offer some sort of tantalizing BIG JACKPOT. This Big Jackpot is usually an actual sum of money, as opposed to the tokens, or credits, or coins, or whatever cute title they’ve given their cyber-money. And everyone likes to win Money For Free, don’t they?

Wanna play the slots like a zombie, but just don’t have the time anymore? We can help! Got a personal computer? Good. Got a decent connection that doesn’t tie up your phone line? Good. Now you can play those slots while you sleep! How, you ask? It’s all thanks to a tiny but invaluable program called XuMouse. XuMouse is a program designed to make the mouse either move, or click repeatedly, on it’s own. You simply download this program, start running it, set it to click the mouse every ten seconds or so, and center the mouse over the pull-lever. Ta-da! Your own personal autopilot.

This may not be enough, however. Some casinos, having either found this secret out or simply from pure bastard evil, have inserted pop-up style adverts that will appear every so often. This would, of course, foil the average auto mouse-clicker, and spoil your game. Not to fear. You simply need to download a program called Pop-Up Killer, which can detect annoying popups, and kill them as they appear. Ain’t technology grand?

Those of you still with me, should you want to try this little trick out, should try , which deals in ‘tokens’ and has plenty of slots to keep your clicker busy. The programs XuMouse and Pop-Up Killer can be found through just about any search engine. Good luck.

Today’s Lesson: You can’t have a Circus without an Ape.

"Quit this world, quit the next world, quit quitting!" -Sufi proverb.

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The following comments are for "Gouge Away #3"
by Beckett Grey

I've been doing it wrong
Ya know I just got over my gambling addiction... I'm heading right back down the crapper again.

Just kidding, I don't gamble. I like to play chicken with Mack trucks, but I do not gamble. Nope, it's just too damn risky.

Nice story Beckett, gives me something to think about. You wouldn't have any tips on bank robbing?

I'm not into that sort of thing either.


( Posted by: Richard Dani [Member] On: December 31, 2001 )

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