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Average Rating
8.25

(4 votes)


RatingRated by
9JEANNIE45
8LexiconDon
8Penelope
8Reba

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i'm left with nothing but half my heart,
someone reached in and chopped it apart.

this butchered feeling felt deep inside,
has left my wounds open with no place to hide.

they bleed and bleed with no pressure to cease ,
nothing to bandage, left without peace.

empty-handed, my world is shattered,
with thick skin torn and tattered.

my chest is open, gushing with every heartbeat
the butcher has cut up my heart, like carnivorous red meat.


------
John K Brewster
"Willows whiten, aspens quiver, little breezes dusk and shiver"- Lord Tennyson


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Comments

The following comments are for "coronary cleaver"
by johnb79

ouch
I liked this a lot...the pain of a broken heart...the only thing I would change, was the last 2 lines...they were good lines, but the flow was lost a bit...otherwise great work in my humble opinion ;)
Reba

( Posted by: Reba [Member] On: March 5, 2004 )

Heart Cleaver
Johnb79;

Now this I liked: Keep up the good work. Also, I didn't care for the last two lines either, other than that, good read.


Blessings,


{{{Jeannie}}}


( Posted by: JEANNIE45 [Member] On: March 5, 2004 )

Two lines
Good work but agree with Reba and Jeannie that the last two lines in my opinion could have been worked on a bit, but the poem was still fantastic

( Posted by: LexiconDon [Member] On: March 5, 2004 )

butcher
you feelings were conveyed very nicely. good imagery and use of metaphor. keep 'em coming. :)

( Posted by: ochimusha [Member] On: March 5, 2004 )

thanks to all
I agree that the last few lines need some fine-tuning. Thanks to all for your comments and suggestions! I really appreciate it!

( Posted by: johnb79 [Member] On: March 11, 2004 )





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