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[an]The following is an experience from my life that has been tilted by the way I would like to remember it, and splashed with moments that never happened. Eventually, as more of these are posted, you will know all about me if you choose to look in the right places.

And above all - enjoy.[/an]

exerpts from life.
by brandon schatz

if only.
There is only so much you can realize in an instant, and that is why I didn't care about her. She was just a friend of an acquaintance, and we were only having lunch in the cafeteria, a fairly commonplace event in my life of commonplace events. That's why I hadn't paid much attention to the words that she had said, or the eyes that she had, or even the silken qualities of her hair, skin and body.

And that was why I was a complete idiot.

But naturally, at the time, I didn't know my own stupidity. I was merely living a moment in life, talking to some friends and acquaintances.

Do you see the incredible rack that girl has?

Why yes, yes I do. It is quite incredible, isn't it.

Are you gay or something, buddy?

No. Why would you think that?

Well, you sound like you aren't interested in the pah-ching-gos mah brothah.

Maybe I'm not. Does that make me gay?

You might as well be sitting on it and rotating, my friend.

All men are disgusting.

That last one was her. Being a female, it was her duty to say something like that when located at a table of busily boorish and horny teenaged males. Typical. Natural. Utterly boring. However, as a male, I thought it best to come up with a clever retort to her statement.

Nu-uh.

...is that the best you boys can do? Nu-uh?

I shrugged at that statement.

All I'm saying is, you haven't met all of the men in the world. Some of them could surprise you.

She smiled a little. I should've picked up on it then, her wonderful beauty and inner radiance. However, I was not the most perceptive individual on the face of the earth and I hadn't gotten past my instant existence.

You don't have to taste all of the apples in the world to know what an apple tastes like.

I shrugged again.

You can think what you want to.

After that, we didn't really talk to each other directly for the rest of the lunch hour, and soon after, the instant had passed. Another instant was upon me.

I didn't see her for some time after. And that was when it happened.

I was alone in a hallway. Well, not quiet alone. There were teens hovering all around me, talking about the upcoming weekend and how loaded they were all going to get at so-and-so's party. But I wasn't a part of that mass, despite being there. My presence was singular and separate. I was sitting on the mono-tiled floor in front of my ugly red and orange locker, writing my thoughts upon some slightly disheveled pieces of paper.

That was when she came to me.

What are you doing?

I looked upwards rather quickly. It wasn't often that I received visitors during the third block. All of my real friends had classes, and although some of my acquaintances had spares the same as me, most left to smoke tobacco or weed, or hang out at one of their houses, whatever they had the time, patience and money to do at that point in time.

The surprise was rather welcomed, and I conveyed that to her.

I'm writing down visions of my soul.

I'm going to pretend like you said something normal and interesting and sit down beside you. Got any problems with that?

For some reason, I tried to think of one. Luckily, I could think of none.

Go ahead.

Why thank you.

She leaned up against the locker to my right and slid her way down slowly.

So what are you doing here?

I could ask you the same question.

I thought I already answered that.

Another small smile. She favored the small ones, I noted. And they looked rather cute on her, I realized.

So what are you really writing about?

Do you always ask questions you already know the answer too?

No, but I do ask questions I would like answered in plain English, without you being cryptic.

I laughed.

And I would owe you that how?

You don't. But that isn't going to stop me from asking.

I smiled at her and I slowly slid the papers I had been writing on into the book I had been writing on.

I like you.

You've only known me for an instant.

To the contrary. I've known you for two. And two is all I need.

She sat there and stared at me for a bit. I turned my attention to another direction and averted my gaze, as if embarrassed. And that was when the bell rang.

Class is over. I better get going to English.

She didn't move and failed to produced words for a few moments. Then she sighed.

I better get going too.

She pushed herself up from the wall and looked down at me for a moment. Soon after that, a girl friend of hers called out her name and she quickly whirled around.

Hi!

Oh my god, you won't believe what happened in class today...

And just like that, she walked away. I sat there for a while. And then I wondered why I hadn't said anything more. Why I hadn't even... looked at her.

Two words repeated in my head.

If only.

If only.


------
"I remember the sound of your Novemeber downtown. And I remember the truth of the warm December with you."


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Comments

The following comments are for "exerpts from life. -- if only."
by b. schatz

touching
God Brandon, that was beautiful. i mean wow, you are wonderful at identifying with people, i always heard writers say write what you know, and you did and it was so amazing i don't think you should ever stop, i look forward to reading about the rest of your life.

( Posted by: Rincewind [Member] On: March 1, 2004 )

almost stilted
I did like this piece, but thought it could have "felt" more natural. Also, while I applaud creative style, I missed the quote marks for the spoken parts.

I'm probably a lot older than you (that said without knowing your age), but if there were young men like this when I was in high school, I must have been completely blind (a very reasonable possibility) because I don't recall ever meeting any of them.

So, I liked it, but thought that the execution and delivery was a tad off of natural. Could be me, though.

( Posted by: Safiyah [Member] On: March 1, 2004 )

in reply...
First, thank you for the kind words and the critquing. I appreciate the help and the encouragement.

Second, with the quotation marks, they are an very important part of the overall story. Yes, that sounds a bit odd, but it all comes into fruition at a later date.

( Posted by: b. schatz [Member] On: March 2, 2004 )

Young Adult Emotions
Young Adult emotions captured wonderfully well who hasnt mused about lost opportunities ....
If only..

This is very good....

( Posted by: RightingIt [Member] On: March 3, 2004 )





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