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Average Rating
8.75

(4 votes)


RatingRated by
9inmost
9JEANNIE45
9pooky28
8Spudley

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My keys rocket up to the
misty spring twilight.
Traveling up, looping

Once,
Twice.

Tumbling backwards and
performing summersaults like children
on the grass in the afternoon shade.

I watch their distant swinging
catching lamplight in the parking lot.
Chrome brilliance gleaming,
the rugged edges of the keys
contrasting with the dark.

My pink flower key chain
appears purple through the lens of sleepy time.
My eyes find it as it travels upwards
with the key's momentous leap.

And then hitting a certain peak
determined by momentum and
the rules of scientific thought
they fall back to my hands.

Descending like the rain and
lightning, tumbling
like angels from above.

I clutch them close and caress their
metal limbs.
Briefly like those angels
they kissed the misty sky.


------
"God grant me distraction."
-Zampano


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Comments

The following comments are for "Kissed the Sky"
by Darkshine Raven

keys
a poem about keys! well, I like it ! I like the way your thoughts are moving in the same time with your keys up to the sky and back in your hands.
What I dislike is that you repeat too many times the "key" word. But it is just an opinion.

Congrats for your poem!

Eugenia

( Posted by: inmost [Member] On: March 4, 2004 )

inmost
Hey man, thanks for the compliment. I always throw my eyes in the air when I'm walking around and I thought it'd be sweet to write a poem about how beautiful they were traveling through the air. =D

You're right about repeating keys...perhaps I will re-write a few lines to cut away at the redundancy.

( Posted by: Darkshine Raven [Member] On: March 4, 2004 )

unusual
Well, this was certainly a original theme. Nice one.

You painted the picture beautifully, and with good poetic flair. I didn't find much in the way of deep meaning in there, but as a poetic description of the scene it works very well. Score 8/10.

(I wasn't quite clear whether the keys were attached to a chain or string or something, or if you threw them loose. Not that it really matters...)

( Posted by: Spudley [Member] On: March 4, 2004 )

keys in the sky
hey darkshine.

this is sweet and snappy. i like it.

my only itch is with the end: clutching them close and caressing their metal limbs (although i do like the metal limbs part, nice imagery) doesn't seem to line up with the sorta carefree way you talk about them in the rest of the poem. there isn't much emotion... and you gotta admit, it's a little weird to have some sort of loving, tender, caressing feelings toward your keys, especially after there's been no reason to love them all the way through the poem...

also:

with the key's momentous leap.

make it plural possessive: keys'

okay, that's it. good job, i like it.

ark

( Posted by: ark [Member] On: March 6, 2004 )

excellent
really like this, beautiful set of images evoking a delightful frame of mind -

john

( Posted by: johnlibertus [Member] On: March 29, 2004 )





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