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The immense pressure facing a straight bloke as he innocently shops for moisturiser.
Please note – No homosexuals were harmed during the writing of this poem.


There’s nothing gay about me?
I just want to look my best.
I like to wear tight T-shirts –
that hug my pigeon chest.
It doesn’t mean I’m ‘turning’
if I wash my auburn hair!
The fact that I condition –
is neither here nor there!
I also like to moisturise –
my freshly shaven face.
A touch of spot concealer –
is seldom out of place.
My rosy skin complexion –
makes other peoples' crawl.
There’s nothing gay about me.
Absolutely bugger all!
I often trim my forest.
It looks bigger when its neat.
You have to be prepared.
You never know who you could meet.
I’m a fan of Donna Summer,
Miss Minogue and Doris Day.
I’m very good at dancing.
But that doesn’t mean I’m gay!
I really love my Mother,
keep my home and garden clean.
With the evidence before me,
… I see exactly what you mean.

Sneak Technique

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The following comments are for "I'm Not Gay!"
by Sneak

This was well-written and funny!

( Posted by: gsmonks [Member] On: February 27, 2004 )

flawless, except for

just a couple things, sneak.

funny funny once again, that's for sure.

1) makes other peoples crawl

you need an apostrophe in there to display the possessive of people


2) I really love my Mother.
I keep my home and garden clean.

( Posted by: ark [Member] On: February 27, 2004 )

shit, the thing submitted itself before i could finish. ghosts in the keyboard, i guess,


I really love my Mother.
I keep my home and garden clean.

i wonder if there's a way to omit that I at the beginning of the second line. the meter is so perfect elsewhere that i was rather tripped up by this minor deviation from it. maybe you could connect the two lines with commas rather than end punctuation?

well done. sure, yeah, i've met this dude a number of times.

( Posted by: ark [Member] On: February 27, 2004 )

Thanks gsmonks. I'm not one for re-editing, I tend to post and be damned. However, i do agree with your comments ark and will put them right. This piece was rather rushed I'm afraid. Thanks for posting.


( Posted by: sneak [Member] On: February 27, 2004 )

Funny, clever, i like it.

( Posted by: craigy1990 [Member] On: January 14, 2005 )

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