The following story is rated r. It has sinned in word, thought, and action.
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So i'm sitting at the computer trying to come up with what this week's column is going to be about, when it dawns on me. I am completely bereft of ideas. I have many opinions, but i am only aware of those opinions once someone else states thier opinion on a subject. What am i doing? I can't write a column! I can't come up with things to write! I suck!
Then it dawns on me. I'm a non-fiction writer. I don't have to come up with things. I just have to take a look at the world around me and record what i see. And what do i see? The Producers. Playing on my dvd player. I have rented it and am watching it for the first time. And it hits me. So, what is this week's column about? You guessed it! The Producers! (Even if you didn't guess, just tell everybody that you did. They'll be impressed.) This week i shall be talking about the great Mel Brooks movie, The Producers.
Yes i know, i'm about 34 years too late. At least according to my calculator watch. Look at this thing! It's watch...and it's a calculator! (Hee-hee-hee. Lewis black.) But it is new to me. You see, this movie was - and is - regarded as a classic, but like all classics, it was lost upom my generation, due to the likes of Govenor Schwatzenegger, (I know it's misspelled, that's a subtle Mel Brooks reference) Vin Diesel, and other people whose last names sound like mechanical equipment lines. But the recent success of the Broadway adaption, done by Mel Brooks, has brought the interest in this film to a whole new generation, a couple of a generations, even.
And so the inevitable occured. According to The International Movie Database (imdb.com) and other reputable sources, there is now a film in the works of the Broadway musical. That's right, they're making a film of The Producers, the Broadway musical. So effectively, what we have here is a movie based on a play based on a movie about a play. As one imdb.com member put it, sounds more like the plot of a Mel Brooks movie, doesn't it? But i digress.
This column is supposed to be about music. Seeing as i do not live in New York, i have not seen the Broadway musical of The Producers. I have, however, just watched the movie, and i can say this. Mel Brooks may not know how to read music, but he sure knows how to make it. Who can deny the power of "Springtime for Hitler." The romantic clutches of "We're Prisoners of Love." And here is just a sampling of some of the movies most profound lyrics, sung by Hitler himself:
"1 and 1 is 2, 2 and 2 is 4,
I feel so bad 'cause i'm losin' the war!"
How gripping. How captivating. How poetic. Mel Brooks. You are...the man.
If the movie is any iducation, then when The Producers The Musical comes out on DVD, i shll be the first person to go down to my local cheap video store and give the college lady with half a shirt my two dollars and fifty cents and say, "Miss, i would like to rent the producers for 5 nights!" And she will say "then you owe me another dollar, sir." And i will say, "the hell?! When did this shit start!" And she will say, "about 5 years ago." And i will say, "what a fucking rip-off, fucking overcharging bastards, how do you sleep at night, no conscience in you youngins today, i oughta...you know what, i can't find another dollar, just give the fuckin' thing for two nights, will ya?"
But i digress.
The Producers is a classic comedy, seriously. It has some marvelously funny numbers in it. I like todays teen-angst my family sucks and now i'm miserable rock as much as the next guy. Just look at my own songwriting sometime. But sometimes, music is just supposed to be fun. You didn't think Green Day was huge because Billie Joe Armstrong is a musical genius, did you? So i urge you to go out and buy, rent o illegally download a copy of The Producers today. Right now. I'm not kidding. Go. I'll wait until you get back.
If you have some ideas for future columns of The Stage, e-mail E.G. Evans at email@example.com. He won't read them, but f@*k him, you can e-mail him anyway.