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someday i'll find
where i really need to be
but until then
all i have here is my sketchpad
and the sea

wherever we are
that's where we'll be
if i hear that one more time
i think i'll fucking scream

we need to escape from this little town
from all its little people
and all its little sounds
we can make it on our own

we'll listen to the sounds the stars make
when you listen to them real late at night
if there's no one else around
to steal their song and light

forget the people who wronged us
we'll dance in the tide
they didn't mean anything to us anyway
so let's put all the petty grudges aside

we don't need them to have fun
let's wait until the life gathers at our feet
and when the day is almost done
we'll wiggle our toes and scare the fishes away

we'll say this is our day
they couldn't keep us from our dream
because we did it our way.

two wrongs don't make a right, but four lefts can make a square.

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The following comments are for "we can run"
by agent-x

escaping small towns
that part really hit me, it's something that is so strong in writing, one of those things that wants out but is hard to express. I think you expressed it very well and beautifully. I like the way the images of the sea comes across like the edge of the world.

( Posted by: Joe Quinn [Member] On: February 29, 2004 )

not sure why i like this, but
i kinda do.
maybe it's 'cuz i can relate to the escape of a small town.

and the first stanza, man-oh-man. what a great first stanza that is. i don't think the rest of the poem is as strong as that first bit, but there's wonderful moments, like the bit about scaring the fishes away. and the sounds the stars make. i'll watch for more.


( Posted by: ark [Member] On: February 29, 2004 )

great, except
I like the way you've written this except fot that final line. This may just be me, but the line is disconcerting because I hear Sinatra suddenly grab the mike from you and your gentle poem and belt out his familiar "We did it ouuuur waaaayyyyy." Otherwise,good stuff.

( Posted by: hazelfaern [Member] On: February 29, 2004 )


hazel is Following Me Around...

yes, i think this is a good point. get sinatra off the set! someone? please...

( Posted by: ark [Member] On: February 29, 2004 )

Words of encouragement
First off let me say this; The title and the poetry are well matched very well matched the subject matter has a apt title

Secondly First stanza exceptional , second stanza great,third stanza terrific,fourth stanza brillant ( Listen to the sound of the stars is such a lovely thought),5th stanza good,6th stanza original ( wiggle our toes to scare the fish away )

THirdly , The last stanza which is being thrashed NO I THINK IT MAtched the POEM and there is no restriction in anyone saying * WE DID IT OUT WAY * and it was a great way to end the poem

further you are a young age and please therefore dont feel discouraged by SOME COMMENT MAKERS....

( Posted by: RightingIt [Member] On: March 3, 2004 )

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